I just wanted to let you know I am reading... I'm glad you saw a guy that made you excited. There is hope for humanity!!! I know what you mean about Lisa, she is SO good at writing scripts when we're in a tough spot!!!! Thank you for telling about your feelings cycling.... now I know that I am not alone...
I had a bit of a rough 24 hours... when you have a sec could you bop over to my thread? Thank you so much for your post this morning. It meant a lot to me to wake up and see your thoughts
So I dont know what happens with me. I stress out for a little while, and then I dont care. Maybe its being really busy at work, I just dont have time to think about it at all. Or maybe its some weird hormonal thing. Right now I can wait and see what happens, and I dont feel the slightest need to try and control the outcome. Rewind 3 days ago and I was tearing my hair out. I dont understand myself!
Essie, I so relate to this (I'm so glad it isn't just me and others feel that way too!). I always get cross with myself because I always think, what was so different from yesterday??? For me I think it is because I am in a slightly vulnerable/ uncertain place (which makes me even more cross with myself as I hate feeling vulnerable and uncertain! ) plus a dash of hormones! Hmmmmm...
So exciting that you met a cute guy. That is always great for the feel good factor.
I thought it was really interesting what Ms M said about you pulling back as well as h after meetings and/ or ml as I can kind of see it from what you have written. I think it is natural as it probably evokes feelings for both of you. Don't assume that because he retreats he doesn't think about you or care. It feels as if you are both treading careful lines with each other as you both have put up walls (or dug defense trenches) that need smoothing out. How do you think you could break this cycle if you feel it exists?
Tell me more about the cute guy! Did you speak to him?
I'm pretty sure your H would be completely blindsided if I showed up and gave him your speech. For a start, to say that I'd always love him?! He'd have me carted off to the funny farm! Gosh, it's making me LOL to think about it.
Didnt actually talk to cute guy, just exchanged smiles, and every time I looked up he was smiling at me (so cute!).
No H goss - I tentatively invited him last time I saw him to a Xmas thing tomorrow night with my brothers and sister and their respective girlfriends and boyfriends. He sounded keen to see my brothers and sisters... but not keen enough to call me this weekend to confirm the plans! Dummy!
Anyway good news. I think I figured out what causes me to nosedive. Its when I talk to RL friends about H.
For so long I didnt talk to RL friends about H, because there was nothing going on, and they would have thought I was a bit loopy to be DB=ing him! And I'd made new single friends that havent met H. But then after H told me that he loved me and wanted to date me (yadda-yadda-yadda!) I started telling them more about our interactions. I realise its not a good move, because then they start to transfer their own R stuff into my sitch. And it confuses me and makes me really anxious. Mostly cause they all think I should force him into marriage counselling or file for divorce etc etc. And that makes me stress out and try and figure out what I should do next.
So much better to concentrate on GAL, and let the H thing cruise on.
I'm so glad I figured that out - better late than never!
LOL Future Girl! I'm exactly the same- everything is fine until a RL friend mentions H, and then I get a lot of 'you should move on', 'don't let him treat you like this', blah blah blah! They don't really get DBing! YAY on figuring it out, and how frustrating for H to not follow up. *sigh*
How exciting to be on the boards together!! Did you see my CEO pic on FB, BTW?
I had asked H to hang out at a Christmas thing with my brothers and sisters on Monday night(this isnt pressure - he has remained close to my mum and dad, and I know he misses seeing my siblings). I dont hear from him all weekend. I call him Monday morning just to say hi, and that if he wanted to come to the Christmas thing it would be nice. He said he had already made plans - I was semi prepared and was able to say that I hoped he had a good time etc. I started to say that I hoped he had a merry Christmas etc and a good trip home to his family. But then he said he really wanted to see me before Christmas and could he come for dinner tonight. I said that was fine, I just had some packing and stuff to do, but he was welcome to come over and hang out.
Then this afternoon he called me to say that he had to meet with a client tonight, so couldnt do dinner. But he drove a good 40 minutes to see me for about 15-20 minutes to give me my presents. (Oops I didnt get him anything!). And the presents he gave me were really thoughtful (for my trip, or things that he knew I would like) and he gave me 5 presents - so a lot of thought went into it.
I quickly wrote him a Xmas card and put a jet boating voucher that I already had in it.
He was really excited to give me the presents - so sweet. Nice kisses and long hugs, and he wanted to know my holiday plans - (I'm going to Indonesia, and he was protective, and told me a couple of times to be careful).
Very tempted to tell him that I miss him and I want him to come home.
I guess I'm back to being patient (AAAAAHHHHHHH! enough already, surely I've learnt my lesson?!?) Who knows what will happen in the new year? How long I can wait? What his trip home will get him thinking about (he could easily feel pressured and step further away from me)? If he misses me?
Well I wish you all a very merry Christmas. This time of year sucks - so look after yourself, and if its going badly just hang in there and grin and eventually christmas and NYE will be over. I'm looking forward to a good break from work, and a change of scenery. I will be away until mid-Jan, so look forward to catching up on all your threads then.
(((Essie))) That is all such good news. Stay positive! Have a fab time in Indonesia (I am very jealous! ) and Happy Christmas and have a fantastic New Year.
WOw Essie...your H is so confusing !!! He rarely sees you, doesnt call, didnt take you up on your invite.. then does a big round trip to give you 5 carefully thought out presents !!?? Well, that was nice at least!
I bet you will be doing some thinking whilst you are away...I hope you have a brilliant time though! Yes, Christmas is tough on all of us here. Thanks so much for posting to me this year, especially in some of my earliest, darkest days! You were always soooo encouraging, Love Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Mid January? WOW!! Lucky girl!! Have a wonderful time, take care of you, think positive thoughts and have faith that things will turn out the way they SHOULD!!!!! Merry Christmas and a VERY Happy New Year!!! Love K
