Have to say this has been a very crappy day. Haven't heard from X for two days until today when she txt wanting to go to gym. Since I was going anyhow I said sure. She was in a great mood, even flirted while we were doing cardio. All in all it should have been another positive get together. As we were leaving she asked when I was getting a condo that would allow dogs so I take one of the dogs, my dog. Told her I was working on that and looking into financing. She gave me a hug and we went our ways. For some reason her asking about the condo hit me like a ton of bricks. I started bawling, got the feeing she has moved on and now I need to. I was so angry and still am that she would ask that. Why does she spend time with me? Is she stringing me along? Does she still find something she likes and maybe holding onto that? Is she scared to tell me that we are truly over? Is she in love with OM? All these what ifs. Became clear today that I am no where near detached. Guess I was just fooling myself. I feel that I am doing all the DB things correct for the most part. I don't make contact with her, she has to contact me. I don't make plans for us until she calls and makes plans for us. I don't do anything at al for her at the house anymore. Basically I listen when she calls and when we are together. I stay positive when I am around her and am dressing nice. Spent $200 on new cologne's to smell great. I thought I have seen changes in her attitude toward me. Maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to see. How do you know what is and what isn't? I have read in a couple books on this subject and also on some web sites. These promote the idea of writting a letter to the other spouse/X and releasing them from you so to speek. Taking responsiblity for my actions, thanking the, for forcing me to change and telling the, they are strong for doing so, wishing no ill will toward them and not blaming them for any issues. Also letting the, know that I will be taking this time to work on me, become happy with myself. I will be going on with my life and that they are welcome anytime but that there may be a chance that if its is too long a time I may have moved on to another relationship. This is the basics of the letter suggested. Any ideas? Good idea? Bad idea? What do I have to gain/loose? Any input would be wonderful as I am at my witts end and am just about to give up. It can't be good for me to freakn cry every day since June 27th. Even when things seem to be going well I still get a cry session in once a day. guess I need to go to bed, need to get up in four hours for work. Thanks B
