Listening and Learning

[Silent Chrleader]

Hi, Beth.

I don't think I have posted to you before but I have been following your sitch. Your H sounds sooooooo much like mine! A few months back, my H and I had much the same talk as you just had. I even made the same joke about "maybe we can get a divorce and live together in sin" (after 25 years of marriage). We started "dating" and even were intimate. Then he seemed to cool off. H withdrew back into his shell. Then I found out (from my son) that H had actually had had a PA with his secretary during the early months of our seperation, before we started "dating" again. Now my H has said he spent the time with me during those "dating" months because he felt guilty, and that he just wants to be alone, and that he hasn't loved me for years, but didn't want to hurt me. Now, in January, I am moving into an apartment so he can move back into our home to fix it up to sell it. I wonder if it's just that he can't get past the guilt and doesn't want to do the work of fixing the relationship. But he is on his own journey and I have to drop the rope and let him take it.

My point in all this is not to discourage you! Really! I think it's very obvious that you love your H very dearly and I believe that he loves you too! And I don't mean to imply your H had an affair. But, my advice to you is to go very slow!! And be careful to maintain no expectations. You seem to psychoanalyze your H a lot. I do that too!!! All the time! Try to minimize that if you can. (I know that is part of what pushed my H away again). And it may be that your H will withdraw again. Maybe he won't, but if he does, don't be surprised. Remember, this is a long journey, with many twists and turns in the road.

Take care!! {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}