BBJ, Detaching is indeed very difficult esp. when the M means so much to you. Hope you'll get a lot of real life support from family and friends for an extended time as realistically, as bad as the other spouse is, the emotional pain from this process is not going to go away any time soon.
You are right, fb. I take my marriage very seriously, and my vows very seriously, and it is devastating to me to realize that just b/c I promised to love, honor, cherish, etc till death.....that doesn't mean I get the same in return. Guess I just assumed I would...
I am entering the final months of our joint checking into quicken this evening....so far I have entered 20 pages by hand, yawn...I started in July and I am up to the first of october so yay me. Once we are separated financially, it will take no time as I am not the spender in this couple. So there's a bright side.
It dawned on me tonight that it has been over a year now of waiting to be separated 'for real', as in, people knowing about it, the kids knowing about it, H actually having his own REAL place to live, visitation in place, etc....
I am sure there is a % of my heart/mind that will not believe it until it happens, but now it is really happening. For all the talk, this time there really is a house being bought,not just words and threats.
H and the kids went out to see his mom and dad for his birthday tonight. I stayed home and entered checking. Tomorrow the kids and I go to my moms' family's christmas and H will not be going. Slowly but surely this is really happening. And I am still breathing...........
I also got ALL the insurance claims into separate binders, the 401K separated out, the truck/tractor payments in their own folder, paychecks, etc. Very productive day.
Some would say why are you organizing all his paperwork for him.
I say b/c in case we need to refer to them for some reason during the divorce proceedings, they will be in order. H would leave them in whatever pile I gave them to him, so I went ahead and did it. Plus I want that stuff out of here with H next month. So I have a nice little box of binders ready to go...
Happy birthday, H. Here is your 'life' in a box, ready to get out of here!
I am in much the same position you are in finally coming to accept the need to detatch, and actually make some financial decisions. It's so hard! I too meant my vows and still mean them and never expected that he didn't feel the same.
I too feel some desire to get on with my own life, or at least little moments when I feel that way. But, then my emotions swing back to so saddened that the thing I believed in and loved most in the world is falling apart! It sure make me feel a lot less trusting in my own judgement. I'm sure you know what I mean.
Anyway, hang in there!! You are a strong lady!! ((((hugs))))
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
I cut out on the Quicken once I got to November 1. Talk about eye strain...
Went upstairs at midnight and H was asleep on the kids' floor. I tapped him and he said he would be leaving in a minute.
I went to bed and when I woke up at 6 his truck was still outside...went back to sleep and he was gone when I got up at 7. He sent me a text at 8:00 that the cows ran out of hay overnight and he had to go try and start a tractor (-7 with -30 windchill sucks) to feed them. I didn't see anything I needed to reply to...
Going up to shower. Kids and I are going to church and then to my mom's family Christmas. It will be 40 people, my mom has 7 siblings and they all have kids/grandkids. Fun times!
After that the kids are spending the night at my mom and dad's. Dan and I are meeting up this evening to fill out the January schedule and pick a parenting plan. I am leaning toward "Me two days, him two days, then alternate the weekends". I gave him the sample plans so we'll see if he read them or not.
We are also going to figure out how to tell/when to tell the kids. I would imagine it needs to be done before Jan 1 since he will have his house 12/30. I told him the other night that when he spends so much 'good' (no fighting, no stress,etc) time here, it is going to be hard to tell S we are separating. I now think that all the fun family times like going out for dinner and going to see Santa could make this super confusing for S. If he sees us together enjoying ourselves, how can he understand we can't be together? I am sure Dan will have great ideas on how to address that (not!)....
OK off to shower. Don't want to be late for church
One that has been in the garage all night in -15 conditions...
