It's over. The end of my relationship ran its course very quickly. It's only been since October that my W moved out, but she's been determined to end our marriage since the day she left. Yesterday we got into another big argument about nothing and everything. I asked her once and for all (this after hearing her tell me for at least 25 times that she wasn't interested in being my wife) if she was considering reconciliation. She said she wasn't, so we argued again this morning about why she would walk away from a relationship as old and loving as ours once was, and she just said she was no longer interested in this marriage. She's never been on her own and she wants to find out who she is away from me. We argued and in my heart I knew that all this interaction was doing was hurting any possibility of a future for us, so I called her back to me and I said, "I love you enough to let you go. I hope you find what you are looking for." I began weeping violently, she held me and cried as well. I was crying so I hard I began shaking. I honestly felt just like I was at a funeral. This was the most excruciating thing I have ever done, but I felt it needed to be done. I love my wife with all my heart, and I knew if we continued like this we would get to a point of hatred, so I didn't want to risk that. She started talking about dating other people, I told her that I would not be dating anyone, at least not now, and that my focus was on myself and taking care of the issues that have plagued me (insecurity and jealousy mostly). I told her that I thought her rushing into a relationship would be a big mistake and would only stifle her efforts to address her own issues (trust, forgiveness and faithfulness). I told her those issues would follow her wherever she went. She said she felt that she was addressing those issues by leaving (obviously not reality). Anyhow, she is now in God's hand where she should be. I can only continue to pray for her and love her from a distance. I am so sad and hurt, but I am looking forward to whatever God has in store for me. Please pray for me that I will remain faithful to the Lord and in my sadness not turn away from His sound word. I will continue posting and checking in w/others, as I have found this site to be a refuge for me in the past few weeks. I wish I had found it earlier in my relationship...
