Unable to let go of her, yet never reaching her either... God it hurts so much to feel this loneliness.
I can't say I know exactly what you are feeling but yes it hurts like hell. Even if if will be the right decision honey it is going to hurt like hell. I am very proud of you that you are going to be honest and find your truth. I truly am. And yet I cannot make you hurt any less. But just know that you are not evil ... you have done your best and you can look back one day and know that you have.
My H also had affairs... and for me it is sooooooo painful still at times. My fear of him doing it again is on me. But I must forge thru and grow and be a Woman. My H like you at times.... felt so lonely and isolated. I am not condoning it but I do see my part in it. When I have read @ x, y or z that your Wife still does. It has painfully remeinded me how I too took my H for granted. In the past. It is hard to look in the mirror and admit I do this and that and change those behaviors. Sure he had flaws. Sure he did this or that. But I was not w/o fault. I understand better now. God it has been brutal at times. I am the one who is dying for sex now and he is kinda like * eyes rolling*, he even gave me *chore * sex last nite and asked (* are you better now? *) OMG!~!~ I didnt take it too personal cause he has done this a handful of times. But I can see how it would erode your very core to be treated that way day in and day out. ( that is no way to live Cinco ) I also cannot flip out b/c back in my deep depression I believe I gave this ugly type of sh*t too. Oops~
I could see from your posts that your heart got heavier and heavier. I am sorry once again for your lonliness and pain. Keep the faith. Take care..... I am here for one more day I guess. I will keep in touch when I can. May God watch over you and hold you close .... Ava
My new way of looking at things is? Is this what God would want for me? Is this living at my best and my truth? If not what CAN I DO to change it? ( easier said than done.... but it can be done..)
