H just moved out, 13 months post-bomb

[Dawn of Hope]

Hi, MWG and Glam, thanks for checking on me and posting. I always appreciate knowing that people are out there reading and caring about my mixed-up life.

If he is unable to pay it back, will they call you?

I was wondering about this myself. I wouldn't think so, since of course I didn't sign anything, but I do live in a community property state (Missouri). I have the loan number from the form, and of course I know H's social security number and other info (except his current address ), so I am going to call Sallie Mae (the student loan company) to find out if I am under some kind of financial obligation that I never agreed to. Any legal experts out there reading this that have any idea?

Wow Dawn, that sucks. Once again you can't stop the behavior. I find it unbelievable what they get themselves into. Now you said Dawn that he came into some money recently, do you think he got some from this student loan?

Sorry this is all happening to you.

Thanks, Glam. No, I don't think his "windfall" was from the student loan--he told me that he took a loan from his retirement funds "to put [himself] in a better financial position." I am betting that in addition to paying off some credit cards that he had maxed out (I never use them), and preparing to get an apartment (so he would need both extra income and decent credit), he was getting his credit in order so that he would be a good co-signer for this student loan.

It is all becoming clear now--why he got a copy of his credit report, took out the loan, paid off credit cards...all without mentioning it to me until he told me he was moving out and it was a done deal.

I just have steam coming out my ears. And it really burns me that people who live halfway across the country that he rarely talks to, and banks and things, know where he lives, but he won't tell me...his wife. It's not that I would expect to do anything with the info, but for some reason, the fact that he won't tell me just burns me up, even though I know it's fairly normal. It's extremely rare for me to lose my temper, and I won't now, and probably it doesn't even show on the outside, but I'm seriously seething on the inside. WTH is WRONG with him that he's so far gone from the man I married??! I simply can't believe he is mentally okay, he is so dramatically different. There just HAS to be a short in his mental wiring or something. Maybe I am in denial, but he is just so different!

I am trying not to whine, but this is just getting to me today, and I'm feeling really worn out after dealing with his increasing alienation over the last year and a half. I realize a lot of you have been dealing with your aliens for significantly longer than that, but I'm guessing you were getting tired of it by this point too.

I remember when my friend Lynn and her H and I celebrated the ringing in of 2008 together (my H was performing in a concert with his band that night--it was the first time he and I had been apart on New Year's in about 20 years). [Lynn and her H had gone through a lot of bad times in 2007 also, because of her EA and the EA's rejection of her (she's still madly in love with EA, but at least she only spends about 25% of her time talking about him now, instead of 90+%).] Anyway, I expressed the wish in my New Year's toast that we would ALL find 2008 significantly better than 2007. Well, I can't say that was the case for me, so I hope 2009 is better. Sometimes, in my cynicism and depression, I wonder, at what point do you just give up and stop trying to make things better, because you have failed over and over and over?

Now I'm getting to that point where I'm reminded of how hard I am to live with because of my ingrained negativity. I don't know, is it actually easy for some people to be positive? Or is it actually as mind-blowingly uphill-difficult for everyone else as it is for me? I think it must be easier for some people, because if everyone had my depressive and suicidal tendencies, the human race would not have survived this long.

I'm going to go sulk or something now. I don't think I'm helping anyone by continuing to vent ad nauseam, so I will stop inflicting my bad mood on you.

Peace,
Dawn