Hunny, I've know I've said this to you several times, but I think it merits saying again. Please do not feel bad about what you did. It took guts for you to stand up for yourself, and you did earn respect in doing so. I am proud of you for it.
Every sitch is different. In my sitch, if I lose my cool then I am doing the wrong thing. But that's my sitch. I've been hot tempered. I have been viscious and cruel. I have been coldhearted. I have said many horrible things. For me to go after my H and attack him and the OW would just be me going down a cheeseless tunnel. Also, don't lose the distinction between standing up for yourself and being hateful. What I've wanted to do have been hateful, petty acts - for example going down to the OW's restaurant and asking her if she liked f***ing my sloppy seconds. I want to do it, but to do it would make me childish and would elevate her importance.
I could do lots and lots of hurtful, vengeful things - reporting my H to the feds for things I know he got drawn into on accident because his coworkers are dirty. I could hack his bank account and take everything he has. I could vandalize his place. I could terrorize his family.
But I'm not going to do those things.
In any case, I am not any stronger than you. You are a very strong person - we just have slightly different journies.
*hugs*
We are with you, Pearl. Stay strong and focus on yourself. you deserve it.
