Just checking in. Lot of good discussion as usual here.
Do be careful b/c the most recent advice seems to point to how you SHOULD feel. Like posting the stages to "acceptance" thus implying that you should be at a given stage - even the final one.
You are not at acceptance yet and I am here to tell you THAT IS OKAY.
"Should" behavior is the worst of all b/c it is nothing but approval seeking. I realize that we are seeing a friend in need and "if only he could get over her and move on".
But life and emotions don't work that way and each person is different.
So, it is OKAY to feel the way you do. It is okay to be depressed. Or angry. Don't rush it.
Do try not to get stuck in any one place however. That is a signal to do something different.
Remember that book I sent some time ago? How there are only three ways to deal with hurt: with aggression/anger, with avoidance/depression; or with assertiveness? It is okay to use all of these but we both know that assertiveness almost always leads to better decisions and outcomes.
Speaking of aggressiveness, I would get legal advice about changing any locks. My lawyer told me in no uncertain terms that it was illegal to do that (in my area) b/c W owned half and had every legal right to enter her home. In fact, even after we separated, she could not change the locks. So, just check on it. I would hate to see you change the locks only for her to show up the next day with the law and a court ordered restraining order directing that YOU leave the house and authorizng her to change the locks on you.
Have a great holiday frank. Things will be different next year - and I bet for the better. You and I are survivors.
