Bworl is right we do spend way too much time trying to put a label on this. We do need to find ways to make ourselves happy and keep moving forward in our lives rather than dwell on where our spouse in all of this...BUT I think it does help us to do that when we can have a better understanding of what is happening to our spouses.
I would like to add that an OP is a way of "self-medicating" or creating a diversion to keep from dealing with their issues. There can be other ways to do the same thing...alcohol, drugs, over-work, etc. My H admitted the other night at C that he has used work to keep me at a distance.
