Cleaning out Clutter - ? For Men

[MsMelancoly]

Hi Julia, Again, as always thanx for stopping by. I totally understand your point about not helping with D papers. Really, I do want him to do it on his own. Thing is, is when I found out that the the D was canceled (unless he can get it reinstated) I thought oh sh*t - now I have to file for D.

I would rather go along w/his D papers. Then atleast I can say, I didn't abandoned him, I didn't want the D, this was his choice in what he really wanted. Why stall on D papers - if in a month, I will file. All he has is debt. We never had any joint accounts. I have a house that is totally paid for, stocks from childhood, retirement plan & some savings. The longer we stay M the more risk for me. That is NOT what is best for me. I do love him - but enough is enough. Even if he came back there are no guarentees he will not run again in 2 years. Strange, but I always thought of M as a piece of paper & that's what it is. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me.

Does my H blame me?? I don't think so anymore. I think that he is riddled with the guilt of lies he has told me, hurting me, possible affiar. And the fear of facing all these. If he comes back to me - he has to face all of that. It would probably have been easier for him to come back - if I would have leveled the playing field & done the same to him. (That's what his 1st W did & he tried to get her back).

I'm not angry at him - really I feel sad for him. Sad that this is the only way he sees. Sad that he cannot find another way & face his fears.

Sometimes, what you "want" & "what is best for you" are not the same. Sometimes, you cannot control what you "want" - but you can control "what is best for you". Make any sense? For me, really, I'm detached & love him enough to drop the rope with him & let him drop the rope with me. My emotions are not carved in stone - so I'm sure I will waiver & have doubts & maybe he will too.