It's Complicated!

[glamgirl]

Thank you Sir and MWG. I don't feel that my h cherishes me or our R. Not so sure he cares if he loses me and maybe he even thinks he could do better.

Not sure if all that makes sense, but I am at a loss here as to what I should do now. I am feeling like what's the point in trying to make this all work, if my h can't see it or feel it.

[Purr]

Hi Glam,

It's so hard when you have been really patient, holding out hope, but it feels like not much is coming back your way. You have held this space for h. and that takes remarkable strength and integrity. Him staying away over Christmas is probably feeling like a replay of him leaving again and again in a sense--emotionally and physically. No wonder you feel hurt and lost right now.

What do you think about trying to go ahead with Christmas in a new way, without him...but it doesn't mean you have given up or are done. Just recognizing that these are just a few days ahead that are emotionally particularly charged, then it will alleviate slightly. As was said earlier on your thread, your h. will be alone during this time...left with himself during this time. That could be a good thing.

Sorry you are hurting so much today. Hope that it eases a little as the day continues. Hang in there.

[glamgirl]

Thank you Purr for your kind words. You are right I have been so patient. My fear is that 2009 will be the same. I can't be here doing this next year. I can't!

[Maya44]

Hi GG, I too have to agree that I think H is just ashamed or embarrassed to be around your side of the family right now. If he's having a hard time facing his own blood relatives, how can he possibly face your's?

I do hope you're feeling a bit better today! Love ya!

[Upside]

Hi glam-
Once again you know I can relate to your sitch. My H has chosen to go out of town on Christmas. I am not happy about it but it is what is.

Here is my thought...since your H is avoiding spending Christmas day with the family for whatever "excuse de jour" maybe you could try to have a little family Christmas celebration tomorrow before your sister arrives or even after she leaves. I know it isn't quite the same but it might help you alieviate some of your disappointment and it might even possibly help your H work through some of his issues or at least keep him from feeling some additional guilt.

[Maya44]

Upside, I think that's a fabulous idea!

[glamgirl]

Thanks everyone for all the kind words, advice, support, and ideas. It means more to me than you could imagine. Today I am still sad but more numb. Lack of patience with the kids today and lack of motivation.

I am going to scrape myself off the chair, bed, floor though and start baking.

Thanks Upside for letting me know about your h not being there either. Not that I wouldn't want your h to be with you, but I don't feel as alone now. This hit me hard, since my h seemed for months in such a good place.

You and I have been working on reconciling and now it seems we are both in the same boat for the holidays and our h's are so close. I think this is 2nd Christmas for you 3rd for me. I hope you still have a lovely holiday.

Off to baking. No word from h. I just hope I can maintain my composure today when he does arrive.

[plentyhope]

GG,

You can't change your H. Only God can. This is God's battle, not yours. Surrender him to God, and you will feel more peaceful. Focus on what you can change - yourself, instead.

Maybe it would do him good to spend Christmas by himself. The holidays could be stirring feelings within him and maybe these feelings are scaring him so much that he changed his mind about spenidng Christmas with you all, especially sinc eyour sis will be there too.

Let me know if you want to chat. I am here.

[glamgirl]

I had to run out and grab a few things from the store to do the baking and it's a mess out there with the snow. We are getting dumped on with snow today and it is suppose to continue tomorrow.

I tried calling h to take me to store, of course no answer nor a call back. Let me guess, he took a sleeping pill and is sleeping the day away. I would put money on it.

I am so irritable today. Everything is bothering me today.

[MidwesternGirl]

GG:

You have the storm that is headed our way. Sounds like it is going to be another big snow and rain storm.

How are you doing tonight?