I was unfaithful

[Sanderika]

Hi M....

When it comes to the kids, it can't hurt to throw out the invite. Let H make his own choice though without strings. If H wants to be included he will show up. Do not be angry/hurt if he does not. This is where DB comes into play. Instead of calling H send him an email. This will allow H to give it some thought. Do not say "I want you to...". Maybe say "Just wanted you to know there will be an xmas service on xmas eve again this year". Send it as more of an announcement not a personal invite from you. In my case early on in my sitch, if H thought it was something I WANTED or that he would be doing it for me, he would not even entertain the thought. Just an idea for you.....

OH and do not remind him again....once is enough!!! Your H does not want to be hounded about anything from you right now regardless of the event or who is involved.

I quote you: "I was needy of attention, I needed outside compliments and attention. OM gave this to me."

This statement has so much truth for many of us here.....

MY H LEFT ME BECAUSE I HAD STOPPED GIVING HIM ATTENTION.

I would assume that a majority of posters here could say the same thing.

DID WE MEAN TO STOP GIVING ATTENTION?: NO NO NO

For a variety of reasons, it happens. In my case I was so depressed I could not see the light of day.

Did I deserve the result? NO

Do I have regrets? YES

Do we get second chances? SOME WILL/SOME WON'T

How do we change our lives to obtain a 2nd chance?

Will we be happy IF we get a 2nd chance?

What happens between people?

How come some couples mutually decide to give it another try and others do not?

What are the diffences in these couples?

Why can't I seem to obtain that 2nd chance?

I ponder all of these questions quite often. The only answer I can come up with is that BOTH partners have to want it simultaneously. Until that perfect idea is met at the same time, there cannot be a reconciliation of any type. It really does make it harder when there is OP in the picture. I believe the longer the R between the WAS and the OP lasts the less likely a reconciliation will occur. A couple cannot even begin to reconnect unless OP is gone w/o contact of any kind. As the LBS we have no control over the dynamics of the R between our WAS and their OP. It gives us (LBS) question as to whether DB should continue or cease.

You made me think today........Hmmmmmmm.

I hope you are having a nice weekend.

Sanderika