Partner left after 9 years - now what?

[istherehope]

Hi Ali,

I really like what Jimbo said and I'm not sure that I can add too much of significance. The one thought that I had is that your ex is probably not really conscious of the signals that he is sending. What I mean is that when the WAS is depressed, in MLC etc., seems that he will often do weird contradictory things. To me those contradictory behaviors are very much indicative of their conflicted minds. So your ex is going on a trip with OW, but reaching out to you and sending gifts. I think it's very clear that he still has feelings for you, and clear that he isn't satisfied with OW. He is probably not looking at it so clearly and rationally, but rather acting on emotion. I still think that if (assuming that's still what you want) you can remain the calm, collected one in all of this, there may still be a chance. By this I don't mean sending light emails about OW etc., but simply not getting visibly emotional when he talks to you about things. What do you think about letting him know that the door is still open? Do you think he realizes this?

ITH