Took mwg up on her suggestion tonight and made xmas cookies. Shed a few tears but for the most part doing okay.
About an hour ago H called. Just to see what we were up to. Old patterns say he was wanting OW to come over or to go see her. I kept my suspisions in check didn't say a thing. I acted as if and told him I was baking cookies. We talked awhile. He was pretty edgy. and drunk. Tried like hell to pick a fight with me. I would'nt give. So then went to D17 talk. Wanted to know what is wrong with her. I said to ask her. He kind of went off a bit trying to pull my chain. Didn't work. I sat in silence while he ramble. Then he said "I know, she's like me. I can understand why she's upset but we need to talk about it". I just agreed. Finally he said "I need to go to bed. Just so you know, I'm here". I just ignored the comment and said bye.
I then sent him a TM and said "sweet dreams cheesenuts". He just text me and said "come see me". Hard Hard Hard for me to say no. BUT I sent one back that said "not until I am in your heart too, not just in your bed" His reply was "good night". I sent the first text again. And that was it.
I think the biggest reason I never say no is that I am worried that when I do he'll go to her instead. But you know that is a sick way of controlling him isn't it. If he wants to go to her he's going to no matter what I say or do. And if I am so easily replaced we don't belong together anyway.
thanks for listening...
The part about 'but you know that is a sick way of controlling him isn't it?'
You've got that backwards. You're not controlling him, he's controlling you. It's called passive/agressive.
He does nothing in order for you to have to do something...and in that way, he's actually controlling YOU, not the other way around.
Think about it. He knows that you will think he'll get 'it' from OW if you don't give it to him, so he knows he'll get 'it' from you because you're afraid of him going elsewhere.
More times than not there is a passive/aggressive personality in a marital crisis. And that person can always claim that they did nothing wrong, that it was always the other persons actions/reactions that caused the problems (although they were the ones that were directly affecting the other persons emotions).
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
