H just moved out, 13 months post-bomb

[Dawn of Hope]

Okay, maybe I'm in denial after all. If I hadn't held the form in my hand and seen it in black and white, I'm not sure I'd believe this. I just went through today's mail. I've always opened everything that's addressed to both of us, or anything that looks business-y that's addressed just to H, so I can cut down on the amount of stuff he needs to deal with, and he has never objected to this (anything that looks personal and is addressed solely to him I leave unopened). Today there was an envelope that was labeled "about your student loan" and addressed to H. With a mixture of dread and confusion, since H hasn't been a student in about 13 years, since finishing his master's degree (which was paid for by his company anyway), I opened it, per usual policy. The form told him, "Thank you for co-signing a student loan for (OW's name)" and reiterated that they are both equally responsible for paying it back.

!?!?!!!!!

Okay, I know it's not like they bought a house together or something, but... I was on the phone with my mother when I opened this, and was too shocked to restrain myself from mentioning it. She said, "He's acting like her father!" I said, "I KNOW!" She asked about OW's parents, and I explained that I know nothing whatsoever about them. (I'm guessing that they aren't much older than H, assuming they're living, but that isn't particularly relevant here.)

I still think it's odd that he gave this address, meaning I was bound to find out sooner or later, whether I tried to or not (I didn't; I haven't been snooping, and this totally blindsided me). My mother pointed out that this had probably been in process since before he moved, but still...maybe he figures since I haven't said anything about any of his other shenanigans since shortly after the bomb, it wouldn't matter if I found out or not.

I'll probably settle down about this pretty soon, because it's just another step in the trend, but I can't help but wonder if it will ever turn around, or will just keep on going in this direction and get worse and worse. I knew I wasn't fully detached, so this has thrown me for a loop. I'm more angry than anything else, but I don't entirely know what to do about it. I'm certainly not going to confront him about it, and not going to talk to a lot of people about it. I'm trying to talk about him as little as possible in RL, and when I do, to be positive or neutral (mostly the best I can manage is neutral).

I feel like one of those Weebles toys. Anybody remember those? "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down"? They were basically punching bags, with a rounded bottom so they were self-righting a moment after they were whacked and knocked over. Sometimes I think H thinks of me as his punching bag...although I don't think he's deliberately trying to hurt me. But it hurts anyway.

Time for bed now.

Peace,
Dawn