It's Complicated!

[glamgirl]

I do have to say last night h was making me laugh so much that my jaw was aching. I said h stop it I can't take it anymore.

We just laugh about our life, the kids, work. My h is really a funny person and the things he says just crack me up.

I do hope and pray that my h sees this as a good sign that he is drawn closer to me through our laughter and good times.

H has asked for a special meal again. I will make sure I cook that for him today.

[glamgirl]

Well I thought S7 was going to go to school today. I just checked and NO school for the 5th day in a row. So that means he will be off for 3 weeks. Must be nice to be a kid.

I worked out today. I feel great. Hardly anyone working out, only like about 10 people.

Another storm coming in late on Saturday and lasting through Sunday. H will be here later today.

[glamgirl]

I just texted h and let him know we are on for bowling tonight. The Christmas program was cancelled at D4's daycare. Weather related.

We are taking S7 bowling for his belated birthday. I will grab some balloons, we will have a simple dinner at the bowling place, and I have a few gifts.

When it was his actual birthday either the kids were sick, h was sick or out of town. Then the weeks just get away from you.

It should be fun. Not in the mood to clean at all, I guess I better just do it.

[glamgirl]

Comfort and the Storm Cont

Ambition and a healthy desire for self-improvement have thier place in life. But the way of peace means we believe God when he tells us he loves us just the way we are.

Ah, the joy and peace of finding that sweet spot in life where we love others and receive love freely without the rancor of competition and comparison.

In your desire for achievement and rewards and significance in life, first walk down the path of knowing that the one who created you and who knows your heart is the same one who loves you most. And he has a purpose and plan for your life.

Certainly we need goals and dreams to fuel our existence, but just as importantly - nay, more importantly - we need to be part of a fellowship of trust, acceptance and love.

[Maya44]

GG, what is Comfort/Storm? A book? It has wonderful scripture in it.

[glamgirl]

Comfort in the storm is from a small book called Pathways of Peace. It was exactly what I needed right now and just thought I would share. Simple words of comfort to encounter God's presence in the midst of life's storms. Very inspirational.

[glamgirl]

I am a little spooked right now. I just went on facebook and I had a new friend request and it was my ex's sister. I haven't heard from ex, since S20 was 6 years old.

Now I did speak with his sister, but lost touch with her about 7 years ago. S7 was just a baby. At the time, she was asking for money and seemed really out of it. Plus I was newly m and had a new life in front of me. Little did I know that my h would not be living in our home.

On facebook I did ask how she is and what is happening in her life. I am sure she will volunteer info on my ex. That was 14 years ago that I have seen him. It was not a good m and one that anyone would want to forget.

When I saw her picture on facebook, she looks just like my ex.

[glamgirl]

Ok I am a mess tonight. H was here we had a fun time bowling with the kids. H injured his finger, so he had to bowl without using the finger holes. He could still bowl strikes. I am impressed.

When we got back. I mentioned something about picking my sis up from the airport on Monday and he said NO. Then I asked about Christmas and he said he was NOT coming.

I just said well h you must hate my sis that much to not want to come. Then I proceeded to say for one day you can't put your differences aside to spend Christmas with your family.

Of course, no response. I proceeded to surf the internet. Then h says can you respond to that invite for the holiday party. Now I was about furious at this point. He wants to attend a party, like we are some happy couple and then can't even spend Christmas with his family.

Soon after that convo h left. Before he left he said do you need me on Saturday. I just said did you need to spend time doing work stuff. He said if you need me I will come over. I guess his way of saying are you mad or can I still come over. I just said of course we need you.

He gave me a quick kiss and left. I am so upset. I did say h it's been 3 years of you still holding on to stuff. I guess you are going to be like this the rest of your life. I am floored that he can't get his head out of his a**.

I really don't know how I can proceed here. I know it's only a holiday, but I am not sure I have it in me to continue this journey. I see my h as a selfish prick. I know that is harsh, but he comes over like we are together and then can't even spend Christmas with us.

Does he really hate us that much? Any thoughts! I am so sad! I worked so hard on this R and then this is all I have to show for it.

[happynow]

Glam,

I'm so sorry! I have no answers for you, only support!

I know others on here will have answers for you but know that I'm thinking about you!!!

(((HUGS)))

[glamgirl]

Thanks NLT. I am just so sad tonight. Can't stop crying. I thought my h was further along on this journey. It feels like he doesn't give a flying f$%# about us.

I am just so devastated. I guess I will just bake and bake and bake tomorrow. Part of me just feels like giving up now.

I just want a boyfriend. I know that sounds so strange, but I just want to feel loved and wanted.