You know Frank, reading all of this kind of reminds me of something. My D15 at one point asked me what was taking me so long and how much crap I was going to tolerate from Carrie before I put my foot down. I was so worried about what the kids would think and didn't want them to be upset because dad was putting mom out. Reality is, the limbo land and crazy schedule takes a tole on the kids.
Sometimes cut and dry is the simplest route and easiest for them to digest.
I tried to call you but all I have is your work number. Can't figure out where I put the other one so call me will ya.....
I'm actually in Thousand Oaks, IN Ventura County so how crazy is that? I use classmates.com because my college age kids informed me, indirectly, that it's "weird" to have parents on facebook. I balked and said, "no, YOU youngsters already monopolize myspace, where are we gtown ups supposed to go, and their retort about parental spying, trying to "act young" etc was so scary to them, THEY found classmatescom for me, which was good b/c I had my high school reunion anyhow.
Of course, I could be persuaded otherwise and as long as I don't ask my kids to be my friends, that could mollify them...ANYHOW....
Frankd, I do think this board has done some stuff to you and something is clicking in you. No one is telling you to kick the mom in the face and all, but I had thought there was some real progress at one point, and I guess SHE went back into the tunnel? I'm sorry but I lost the board some months and gave Alaska a chance but the job and time in the house WITH h kept me off for awhile. Gotta go now and pick him up at the airport (LAX) so with the traffic, I hope to be gone only the whole day...seriously, I'll post more later. Just hoping he's not slipping back. J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Today is the first day of the 2 week school vacation. No reason to see or talk to W and she won't be coming over to the house very much at all.
This week has a lot of work scheduled, and I'm going to focus on it while also looking for things I can do to get out of the house. To meet new friends.
I'm closing the door behind me. This chapter of my life is over now and the next one is starting.
Just checking in. Lot of good discussion as usual here.
Do be careful b/c the most recent advice seems to point to how you SHOULD feel. Like posting the stages to "acceptance" thus implying that you should be at a given stage - even the final one.
You are not at acceptance yet and I am here to tell you THAT IS OKAY.
"Should" behavior is the worst of all b/c it is nothing but approval seeking. I realize that we are seeing a friend in need and "if only he could get over her and move on".
But life and emotions don't work that way and each person is different.
So, it is OKAY to feel the way you do. It is okay to be depressed. Or angry. Don't rush it.
Do try not to get stuck in any one place however. That is a signal to do something different.
Remember that book I sent some time ago? How there are only three ways to deal with hurt: with aggression/anger, with avoidance/depression; or with assertiveness? It is okay to use all of these but we both know that assertiveness almost always leads to better decisions and outcomes.
Speaking of aggressiveness, I would get legal advice about changing any locks. My lawyer told me in no uncertain terms that it was illegal to do that (in my area) b/c W owned half and had every legal right to enter her home. In fact, even after we separated, she could not change the locks. So, just check on it. I would hate to see you change the locks only for her to show up the next day with the law and a court ordered restraining order directing that YOU leave the house and authorizng her to change the locks on you.
Have a great holiday frank. Things will be different next year - and I bet for the better. You and I are survivors.
Yes I bet they will. But if they do not then you need to prepare. Things will be different - that is certain. But will they be better? Control what you can.
Quote:
I guess I had to crash one last time to 'get it'
Wish I had a dollar for each time I said that. We will 'get it' when we no longer need to crash. If you crash, you don't get it by definition. It is AVOIDING the crash that is key.
Wish I had a dollar for each time I said that. We will 'get it' when we no longer need to crash. If you crash, you don't get it by definition. It is AVOIDING the crash that is key.
Good. We need to be sad. That helps us heal.
I'm serious this time. I crashed, W is being a jerk. Daughters are coming to me for healing.
Tonight, W had a 'banquet' at 'her house'. She invited D17 and D13. What she didn't tell them was that OM (aka 'the little boy') would be there.
D17 didn't want to go for 'dinner' but flet she should go to at least 'say hello'.
When she told her mom this, she said that there weren't any seats at the table for D17 and her BF. D17 told her that she only wanted to come by to say hello. As it was told to me by D17, her mom said there wasn't a place for her to sit so she couldn't come by.
Not sure what the truth is, but D17 hung up on her mom and was very upset.
I gave her some money to go out and have a nice dinner with her boyfriend. She said I didn't have to, but I told her she was welcome to a nice dinner.
I don't know the exact truth, but I do know that W rarely thinks of her daughters needs.
