How to know when to let go PT2????

[sandi2]

Hey Kristi, I’m so glad that you took time to let us know how you are making it today. It sounds like you worked yourself up into getting a sick headache and those are bad. I hope you do not develop blood pressure problems over all of this.

I am pretty sure I would have blown it also if my H acted like a two-year-old saying, “Don’t touch my stuff”. Makes me think of Bill Cosby’s stand up act where he is talking about his little one saying, “Mine, mine, mine”. That sounds very immature for a employer who manages other people at work. I bet he doesn’t act like a brat at work…..at least I would hope he didn’t. I have had the misfortune of working under some “brats” that were training to be higher up in authority and they are a pain in the neck. But, I realize what you are saying. However, maybe this is the only way he can cope and not break down (God forbid that he would do that!) and it is his way to stay focused on what his goal is…….to get away from you (to put it bluntly). So, he goes in there acting like a jackass.

It is so hard for you to see him in your home putting on his “employer’s” suit and this “act” that you can see through. You want to see the man you married and he is determined you will not see that. So, the war begins and you end up crying b/c it is killing you to watch all this happen in front of you. I cannot believe he acted like he did over that wedding ring and now he’s doing this number. I hope he will get all his things that he doesn’t want you to touch and get the heck out of Dodge and leave you along and stop putting you through this crap. Man, his timing is something else! But, that shows you how insensitive he is to you right now. And….that part about calling you? Pleeeease! Why? So the two of you can get into another yelling match? I was proud of the way you answered him.

Maybe one way to help deal with this is to realize that the man you married is not there now. You will grieve for him, sweetie. You will grieve over all of this. I think that was part of what happen yesterday and it got the best of you. You have to get the tears out……in order to start healing. However, I do worry about you driving and doing that, b/c I’ve done the same thing and it is dangerous.

But, anyway, I think that is one reason you are having such a difficult time seeing him be so cold b/c you want so badly to see that man you use to know…..just one more time. It is very, very hard to let it go, isn’t it honey? I wish I could make it stop hurting so much so you could get over this quicker. As AmyM has said, time has a way of helping. She is doing a wonderful job. Yes, everyone falls off the wagon when the wheels are pulled out from under you, but like you said, what is done--is done. You learn from it and try not to fall into that trap again, and resolve to move forward. Step by step. Hard little steps, but you will get there.

You have done great today. I hope you can just arrange to stay out of his way or be gone when he come to pick up some more of his precious things. I would be so tempted to put sticky notes on the things for him not to touch! But, then that would be lowering down to his level. Remember, you are being groomed to be a queen! Man, is he ever going to be sorry when he realizes what a fool he has been and take a good look at what he gave up! But you will be such an improved lady by then with so much poise and grace, with your life too full to give him the time of day. You are getting there. These are the hardest days right now. What a time for a family to really split up…..right at Christmastime…..but so many right here on the board are doing it.

So, just keep coming back and venting to us and get all that frustration and anger out so you won’t let that stuff build up until you get sick again. If that should happen again, you may want to get your blood pressure checked, unless you have experienced this before. Our emotions can do strange things to our body.

Just want you to take good care of yourself…….okay?

Love,
Sandi