Tomato...It a crappy place in my neck of the woods..rainy/sleety/cold...why don't you give me an early xmas present and say GO IRISH for me
Sandi & Tawnya..thanks for checking in on me. I have been a little down today as it is my 10 year anniversary today. But honestly I am not as sad as I was yesterday.
Yesterday I just blew it. I was so upset just thinking about today that I ended up with this HUGE headache. Then when I came home my H was here to see the kids. He took them out for a little but then stopped back to get some of his stuff. I tried to be really cool about it, but he just looked at me and said..Are we clear about you not touching my stuff anymore...I just walked away.
I know this is his controlling nature. I was trying to be helpful by getting some of his stuff together for him. I guess he didn't like it. So now he keeps saying hands off everything. I said, well most of this is "our" stuff and so as we go through it and decided what you are taking then I can touch it and put it in a pile for you. He actually said well if it looks like it is already mine, do not touch it. I just couldn't believe it. I didn't understand. I said what is the problem. I am not trying to hurt your things, ruin them or disrespect you in anyway. I am just trying to help you...He wanted none of that.
As I watched him clean out some of his stuff, I just started to cry. I couldn't help but think he was just throwing out the last 10 years of our life together. I cried so hard yesterday I couldn't stop. Nothing I did would stop the tears. I walked away, but felt foolish because I didn't want to give him that satisfaction but I already did.
After he left I continued to cry all night. I had to run around picking up my kids from practices last night and I still couldn't stop crying. I actually thought I was losing my mind. I would have gotten on here, but my head hurt so bad I couldn't see straight. I picked up my son from b-ball around 9pm and could barely drive home as soon as I walked in the door I threw up. I think I might have freaked my kids out a bit, but they just think I was sick and didn't feel good.
I woke up feeling better, and I didn't have any contact with my H today. He said he would call but I told him not to bother. I didn't see the point in it. We don't have anything to talk about and today is sad enough.
Sandi..here is how I would describe my H ..he can be very calm and almost emotionless. So in most of these crazy situations he doesn't show too much emotion which I think drives me more crazy. He seems very hard. Heartless almost. But I know he isn't. I think I have tried to break him sometimes but it hasn't worked. I think sometimes I may take it too far and say mean things just to see if he will break. i know it is wrong but he is so stone faced and non feeling that I don't know what is going on inside of him. I think I would describe him as very business like. Like I have said before, in work he excells. He is driven and he can manage people like no one I know, but in his personal life he can't. I think he gets the two areas confused. I feel like he always tried to treat us like employees sometimes and manage us. I don't know if he can seperate the two. He does have to have things his way, but if you tell him this he will dispute this to the ends of the earth. He is stubborn as hell.
I was talking with someone about him and I said he puts out an err of confidence like noone I know. Not conceit just confidence. He is very independent and self sufficient. But the more I look at him and think about the way he acts I think he isn't as confident as he seems to think he is and portrays himself to be. He doesn't have the confidence in himself to believe that R can improve and that he can make a positive change. He is forever blaming me for something but doesn't even remotely see that. He truly believes he has been the most accomodating person.
Well...I have talked enough.. I am going to play some poker now. Tawyna...I will check your post later and check in on you. I hope you are okay..we all blow it now and then.!!!!
I hope everyone has a great night. And I will talk to you all later.
