BobbiJo - You just need to remind yourself that you either have Dan living in a crack addict infested apartment, which your kids will stay at occasionally, or a cozy safe little house. I think it best that he get the mortgage in his name, but after the divorce is final, all of your responsibility is removed by a quit claim deed. Division of assets calculation would still take in account both houses.
If he gets the mortagage in both your names, then a refinance (after the divorce) would be required as a quit claim deed does not remove your name from the mortage.
I would assume that he is getting the mortgage in his name without me since he already made the offer and got approval without me participating.
I know Kerry, I am sounding bitter today. But I do want the kids to have a nice place to live if they can't be with me...Screwing this up for Dan would wind up hurting them, I am sure. Although I think they would like living with grandma and grandpa if it came to that...
If I could be brutally honest for a second, I think you are feeding the cake eater. I understand your concern with the driving conditions but you need to let go of the "call me when you get there". You may also want to consider slowing down on the family meals etc.... I think he is getting mixed signals....I know I am. Detach...think about you and the kids and nothing else. Who cares if he is sleeping or not, are you, that is the real question. So he also lies about his sleep, are you surprised....there seems to be a theme here. I know all this detaching is tough (don't know the legal and financial ramifications) but it needs to be done.
Detaching is precisely what I want to do. That is why I asked the question about the banking.
If I take my money out now and start my own account, transfer all my bills into my name, etc (most already are anyway b/c I set up all utilities, etc), then I can start doing all my own decision making regarding finances, etc. That was the question I posed today, should I go open my own account now rather than waiting till he closes on his house on the 30th.
If I do, it may throw a monkey wrench in his home buying plans, I don't know. If it does, I don't want that viewed as me trying to hurt him. I just want to start taking care of myself and not having to worry about whether he is going to run up a few grand at the furniture store in both of our names, etc etc...
The only reason I asked him to let me know he made it there is b/c he is the kids' dad and I don't want him dead in a ditch. It wasn't b/c of me...but I see the point and will stop doing it.
BBJ, I don't want to be the bad guy...I understand you don't want him dead in a ditch but you let the fact that he did not call you affect you...the fact that he lied about his sleep affect you....the fact that his mom is making it easier for him affect you...etc. That is all I am saying. I have been there before and part of the reason we do it is becasue we are hanging on to the past a little. THEY on the other hand could not give a hoot about us (maybe i am exagerating a tad)....not at this point...perhaps they cared in the past...maybe in the future, but now, it is ALL about them.
On the $ front, my unsollicited advice to you would be to consult a lawyer as soon as possible, if not sooner. You need to protect yourself, I don't care who's dad he is.
Thanks John. I know I need to detach. And being the voice of truth is not being a bad guy, either...
It is just so freakin' hard to detach when he is always around, we haven't told the kids, all our finances are together, yada yada yada
I was thinking as I was chopping the ice off my car today (a good 3/4" all over the entire thing!!), you know, a year ago, I was thinking "Next Christmas we will either be divorced and I will have had some time to start my new life, or we will be together and things will be good b/c we decided to work on our marriage and commit to being together".
Well, it is next Christmas and we are exactly where we were last Christmas, with him planning to move out (anybody remember that, he got a lease on an apartment paid the deposit ordered the furniture but never moved in), us not telling the kids till after Christmas, etc etc
I think you should ask an attorney the money question. It would be bad to wait until after the 30th, and then be told that you should have done something first. He is taking care of himself. Who is taking care of you?
I hear you BBJ...I have a hunch he will be hanging around for a while so you are going to have to detach in spite of that. Six months ago, i was thinking everything will be fine between us (never mind last Christmas). Well it is not... we (LBS) have two ways to do this....uno: dwell on the past and what could have been or two: face the hard truth and move on ....or like Woog likes to say, move forward.
