IMHO, I really didn't think his email was that bad. I thought he had a valid reason for what he said. HOWEVER, SMW has a valid reason for thinking the same thing. soooooo, there's the cycle. They are both doing the same thing to each other
I totally agree with that.
SMW, I apologize if my post might've made you feel as if I were invalidating you. That was never my intention. I guess I was just a little more focused on your DH's feelings after reading his e-mail to you because like ST, I did not think it was bad either, and I was trying to show you what I thought/think is an issue for DH - not hearing from the kids (and possibly even you).
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Now, I like the direct and to the point, however, I really feel there is a lack of personableness (I cannot for the life of me figure out a word to use, that's all I could come up with) And if I were her H, I would take this email that SMW is annoyed/mad and is done being nice. Now, if that is what she wants him to think, then I think, okay cool, now let's see what happens.
I suppose I was under the wrong impression then. I figured since that's what she wrote, those were her feelings and she must have wanted him to know. Otherwise, why would she write and send that email?
I also understand her frustration, though, of feeling like she's doing/done all that she can and is not receiving much, if anything, in return. Unfortunately, it is the cycle as you've pointed out. Now....how to break it???
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anyways, since he is gone, he is unable to see SMW GALing, having fun, living a life. So, the only things he sees (unless other people are telling him things) are these emails. If they are nonresponsive, or even just "okay" emails, then how will this show him she has changed and the new life she is enjoying?
Does this make sense? I understand the concept of going dark and all. I just never used it. Perhaps, if my sitch had lasted much longer, I may have, but I think I would still make my emails sound like his choices didn't bother me (unless it was a boundary issue) and that I was having a fun life.
It makes a lot of sense to me. BTW, not sure if it was directed towards me, but I never suggested that SMW go dark. IMHO, when her DH is clearly reaching out in his e-mail that he'd like to hear from them, I don't think going dark is the answer at all.
SMW, along with the kids, could you still send him e-mails, letters, etc every now and then to let him know how things are going at home? And not expect him to reply? At least not right away? I completely understand that you feel like you're already doing everything where the M is concerned and DH's actions/words frustrate you, sometimes to no end...I know the feeling all too well....but right now, you are the one here, sweetie. It doesn't seem fair, I know, but this is where we are, and we are here by our own choices.
Hang in there.
(((((SMW)))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
