Partner left after 9 years - now what?

[Jimbo]

Ali,

So sorry to hear about the whole trip with Helen thing. I agree with One Day, though- the more time they spend together, the faster it will burn out. Maybe the giftie is an indicator of this beginning to happen? Whatever the reason for it, it definitely means that, one way or another, you were on his mind for a long enough time to get it, wrap it, and send it.

He took the trouble to find a card, present, nicely wrapped and went to the post office and mailed it when he was off ill (he is notoriously crap at being organised like that for friends/family, so it is surprising, kind of, going out of his way)..

You are the best person to judge how much weight to give this, but it seems to me that if it's uncharacteristic for him to go to all of this trouble, then that says something too.

What is the something? Only he will know, of course. All MLCers seem to have glimpses of lucidity in the madness- take all of this as a hopeful sign, but don't let it get your hopes up so much that you develop expectations of immediate improvement that can be crushed, taking you out emotionally along with them. Treat it as a baby step. Something I have taken to doing that really helps me is to have a notebook where I keep a running tab of all the little things like this that seem to point to a trend. I will write the date, a description of what happened, and a little "alianalysis" of questions for myself as to why it might have happened. Then when I get feeling hopeless, I go back and reread all the entries over time and see that it's better than I tend to make it out at the time, because there IS progress. True, it's not as quick as any of us would like, but it does show progress...even if only a little.

Keep your chin up, my dear- it's a marathon and not a sprint.

One day at a time...
-Jimbo

P.S.- Don't be in a big rush with posting the convo- it will still be here later. Take time out for you. Consider maybe taking more than one day away from the board. Let yourself get caught up in something else intentionally- you get a much needed mental break, and it's a great way to let your subconscious work for you, too. After all, it was Einstein who said he got his best ideas while shaving....