Handsome- I am being myself with H- I haven't bothered to Db him , or try 180s in the past 4 months or so. I'm just saying what I think and not worried about what he thinks. Maybe that's what's causing the difference? Socks and being girly- I think I can do that!
Purr- thankyou- you are so lovely!
Michelle, Mishka- a Christmas miracle would be amazing wouldn't it? But don't hold your breath- I still think the chances are remote to miniscule!
So, I saw H today. We exchanged a couple of texts to arrange a time and place. I was really stressed when I saw him and as we were talking about it I started crying. He reached out to hold my hand, and then took the other hand, and started crying aswell. We both sat crying for a little while and then resumed a semi-normal conversation. He tried to reassure me and help me feel better. It was sweet.
We then went to a bar for a drink. We talked a little about friends and plans. I asked him about his weekend and Christmas plans a couple of times. He was non-committal so I just said he didn't have to tell me if he didn't want to. Some of the conversation was a bit naughty, and that went OK- not flirty, just generally talking about s*x related things. H looked at my lips and rack a bit while we talked. I said that I knew he was seeing another person, and that it was fine to discuss it, or not depending on what he wanted. That I understood that he probably wasn't coming home, and that a few days meant less than 500. He looked a bit surprised at that, I suppose. I also told him that I just wanted him to be happy, and if he was happy, I was too. I said to him that if he wanted to file for a D in the New Year I'd sign. He didn't say anything to that, but something in his reaction made me think that he still isn't committed to a D. He still doesn't know....
As we left the bar, H put his arm around me and we walked with arms round each other to the station. I laid my head on his upper chest and he looked down at me and smiled. He looked at me a few times that way- it was sweet, like when we were first dating. Then we changed positions and H took my hand. As we were saying goodbye I got upset again and started crying (not because of H- other stuff). H tried to reassure me again and we stood for a while holding hands and hugging. As I walked away, I turned back and saw H looking at me. He waved as I walked away and I came home.
He's given me 4 presents. Two are books, and I can't work out what the other two are (they're all wrapped). Last year there were only two presents, so this is more like pre-marriage behaviour (where I would get 4/5 presents at least). I didn't get him anything, but explained why I hadn't, i.e. that I was too stressed and disorganised. I'll get him something next week for when he gets back. He'd also got me a card (thank goodness I'd got him one and written a nice message in it). The card was a joke card. In it he's written that he knows this is a hard time of year for me (I mentioned that to him last time we met when I was telling him about working in the shelter). He'd written "I do think about you a lot and am always here for you". I'd written something very similar about thinking about him, and also wishing him all the happiness in the world.
Anyway, so overall I think the interaction went OK. I said everything I needed to. H's actions in looking at me and going for the arm round me were sweet. I guess we'll see how things go over the next week or so, but I don't feel as though he's coming back. He may be changing and committing to moving further away from me. That would also be fine- I think I'm currently OK with things going either way, but I guess time will tell whether that turns out to be true!
