Thank you for visiting me- it's always nice to see you!
H and I have exchanged a few e-mails this week. He seems to have forgotten that 18 months have passed- he was shocked that N8 and N3 are now 8 and 3, and not 6 and 1, and that our two god-daughters have aged aswell. He talked very positively about them and asked me to hug them all for him. He also mentioned a few times that he feels fat. Very odd because there's no way H could ever be considered fat- he has the figure of David Tennant.
We're going to meet for a drink tomorrow. It was a bit of a faff arranging it- H was busy most evenings this week and I was busy most days. The drink will be quick and I'm not sure I want to go as he'll be going to the aubergine afterwards, so we'll see what happens. Nothing is definite yet.
I went to CEOs house on Tuesday (without him- to see the builder) on Tuesday before the concert. The next day, he came to ask me what I thought of the progress and the new fittings. We had a nice conversation about it. Later yesterday evening we exchanged a couple of short e-mails as I have today and tomorrow off. I didn't reply to the last message he sent ("Don't be daft!"), and then this morning I got another message from him saying "I meant to say and forgot, but have a good break and I'll see you next week". There's something that works- being girly and then ignoring him.
Anyway, when I got his message this morning I'd just been thinking about him so I replied (and K, I hope I went far enough!) "That's funny, I was just thinking about you. Yes, see you next week- I'm looking forward to a Christmas party replacement drink!".
Austin thought that was enough, and since she knows him I'm inclined to agree. He's a pursuer and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't appreciate an out and out declaration. We'll see, anyway.
Originally Posted By: Kalni
Sometimes, we want what we cant have, what has been refused to us, we love what we had, our memories, our broken dreams. I dont know how often it is to rebuild that connection. It seems very difficult to me. And in my case, there are 2 kids and no obvious OW, living together etc... Are you sure you could handle the reconciliation process? Sorry I am so bold, but I want to share with you what I have been learning...
(((K))) Thankyou for thinking of me and saying this. I don't know how I might feel about the reconciliation process, but I do know that I can't walk away from this now. H is changing. I don't know how quickly that's going to finish, or whether it WILL finish, or whether it'll be permanent, but for now I'm not ready to make a final decision on things.....if H asks for a second chance, we'll see then. I'm watching and seeing how things are for you, and am taking notes (scientist-like). And keeping on carefully walking my tightrope. This probably makes no sense, but I think I'll know when I'm ready to decide, and as we've discussed before, when I decide it will be a permanent decision.....
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
He is changing, isn't he? Slowly, but something is happening.
I like your plan. You are the one that will know when you are ready. The only thing I am not so sure about is the tightrope feeling. I'd like to think that you can get to a place where you can be yourself, or very close to it, and leave it up to him to deal with it.
The being girly and then ignoring thing can be pretty effective. It works on me! So do socks, of course!
Your patience is amazing and your wisdom is coming through in these posts. What I like about your situation and the way you are handling it is that you are making choices thoughtfully, based upon what is true for you in your heart and mind. It is a tightrope indeed, but you are not just balancing on it, you are moving and walking along it.
Handsome- I am being myself with H- I haven't bothered to Db him , or try 180s in the past 4 months or so. I'm just saying what I think and not worried about what he thinks. Maybe that's what's causing the difference? Socks and being girly- I think I can do that!
Purr- thankyou- you are so lovely!
Michelle, Mishka- a Christmas miracle would be amazing wouldn't it? But don't hold your breath- I still think the chances are remote to miniscule!
So, I saw H today. We exchanged a couple of texts to arrange a time and place. I was really stressed when I saw him and as we were talking about it I started crying. He reached out to hold my hand, and then took the other hand, and started crying aswell. We both sat crying for a little while and then resumed a semi-normal conversation. He tried to reassure me and help me feel better. It was sweet.
We then went to a bar for a drink. We talked a little about friends and plans. I asked him about his weekend and Christmas plans a couple of times. He was non-committal so I just said he didn't have to tell me if he didn't want to. Some of the conversation was a bit naughty, and that went OK- not flirty, just generally talking about s*x related things. H looked at my lips and rack a bit while we talked. I said that I knew he was seeing another person, and that it was fine to discuss it, or not depending on what he wanted. That I understood that he probably wasn't coming home, and that a few days meant less than 500. He looked a bit surprised at that, I suppose. I also told him that I just wanted him to be happy, and if he was happy, I was too. I said to him that if he wanted to file for a D in the New Year I'd sign. He didn't say anything to that, but something in his reaction made me think that he still isn't committed to a D. He still doesn't know....
As we left the bar, H put his arm around me and we walked with arms round each other to the station. I laid my head on his upper chest and he looked down at me and smiled. He looked at me a few times that way- it was sweet, like when we were first dating. Then we changed positions and H took my hand. As we were saying goodbye I got upset again and started crying (not because of H- other stuff). H tried to reassure me again and we stood for a while holding hands and hugging. As I walked away, I turned back and saw H looking at me. He waved as I walked away and I came home.
He's given me 4 presents. Two are books, and I can't work out what the other two are (they're all wrapped). Last year there were only two presents, so this is more like pre-marriage behaviour (where I would get 4/5 presents at least). I didn't get him anything, but explained why I hadn't, i.e. that I was too stressed and disorganised. I'll get him something next week for when he gets back. He'd also got me a card (thank goodness I'd got him one and written a nice message in it). The card was a joke card. In it he's written that he knows this is a hard time of year for me (I mentioned that to him last time we met when I was telling him about working in the shelter). He'd written "I do think about you a lot and am always here for you". I'd written something very similar about thinking about him, and also wishing him all the happiness in the world.
Anyway, so overall I think the interaction went OK. I said everything I needed to. H's actions in looking at me and going for the arm round me were sweet. I guess we'll see how things go over the next week or so, but I don't feel as though he's coming back. He may be changing and committing to moving further away from me. That would also be fine- I think I'm currently OK with things going either way, but I guess time will tell whether that turns out to be true!
Hmmm, again your H foxes me. I'm glad that you were able to be honest with him. It sounds to me like he is still very confused. He obviously thinks about you a lot.
I know you are patient, I know you aren't planing to do anything till Jan so lets see what the New Year brings. Sorry not very constructive, but I think there has been change over the past month or so and it would be interesting to see where it leads.
I'm not sure what to say, as there is so much unsaid in yuor posts. You mention being stressed and crying about "other stuff" and holding off until a decision point in January (to do with you? Not H?). Its a bit mysterious, but then its private right. I cant tell what things you are saying to him and therefore, how to judge his reactions to you. But.. I hope you are ok! It sounds like you are having an emotional time of sorts..? He does seem to be able to take it though, whatever it is..
You are very brave offering the D and saying you can talk about the and he still seems reluctant..My ex was too earlier. I dont get it, I was straight with ex's when I had moved on to the next man. I am pretty amazed at ANY presents.. but yes 4.. thats overkill! Who gets 4 for a mate, or an ex? Just wierd.
The reference to 500.. is that 500 days, that he has been gone? I thought thats what you meant, wierd that he has no concept of time (what with that and nieces ages).
I'm sorry that he continues to be so unclear, to hold your hand and yet do nothing.. the significant thing seems to be that he cried when you cried. Again, who does that with their ex? Just.. like I said..WIERD!
I think everything you said was beautiful. How lucky is H that you have been so kind to him, when it would be so easy to be a manic manipulative wife! Its not just your intentions but the way you say things that are so loving.
Really nice of him to comfort you and buy you the presents and to say in his card that he thinks of you often.
Your whole interaction; vunerable, fun, flirty, serious R talk (but without any pressure - well done you!) so much food for thought for him.
The time thing is the same with my H - he honestly has no idea about how much time has passed. I hope that this coming year will be a fresh start for you.
Sorry that you have other stuff that is going on and is hard to deal with too - you sure are a strong lady to hold it all together.
I had something light and fun to finish with, but I cant remember what it was now! Hope you have a good week. Lots of Love
Are you on FB now? I'm going to have to go to bed in 5 mins unfortunately! Have you seen pic of H on my FB - its posted by another friend - there is a bride (creamy dress) in the photo...
So do socks, of course!