Hate to beat a dead horse, but two comments come to mind. The first is about the legal angle. FrandD, although I am an attorney, I'm not licensed in Cal and I am not a D L. But once upon a time was in Legal Assistance for the military and was forced to handle about 20 divorces. I saw one person with a DIY "kit", uncontested, short M with no kids or real estate. That was the ONLY do it yourself D I ever saw or heard of that went without a hitch. Every other one ended up needing fixing, and that costs MORE than getting a L in the first place would have, assuming you agree to SOME basics, like where the kids will live. Regardless of your financial sitch, at least have a L review whatever crap your W sends you, although I'm a little lost at your "Waiting for her" approach. What are you waiting for? Oh, HER....
I am not saying you should file, though all else you've tried so far has NOT worked, and the old adage that 'doing the same thing but expecting diff results is the definition of insanity', does seem appropriate now. But besides, let's assume she is not coming back... so what are the reasons for waiting? I'm just asking.
Isn't her connection to you putting you at some financial risk? God only knows where her money is going. I'm also in agreement about this whole "coming over for girl's night" being just crazy. WTH? She comes to YOUR home, the one she LEFT, for "Girl's night'?
When will you change the locks? Remember the comment about Match.com and the women in our forties actually still having some appeal...well, I have to say if I were dating a guy in your sitch and the WAS had access to the house at will, it'd freak me out. I'd know you were "waiting for her to come back" and guess what? She knows that too. So do your daughters. And some guy she is with now, may have access to the keys, so your daughters may not even be safe ultimately. Sorry to be paranoid, but I have some professional experience with this in the past.
Second, the book we're all discussing about "Wild at Heart", which you originally got me to read, helped me understand my H's "thing" about Alaska. It's obvious when you read it, and its part of why he seems depressed to me now. Alaska didn't work out for H, on its' own accord, not mine, and now his mother is terminally ill. I have to remind MYSELF of this side of him, so I can better grasp why he sometimes seems to be on a different planet than I am. In some ways, it's more important that women read it when our H's get "restless" and there are sides to us, as women that would be our own versions of "wild at heart" that we have to listen to as well. Your stbxw is having her "restlessness" superficially treated for her problems are within. But they are just that; HERS...not yours.
Back to assuming she isn't coming back, and GAL on your own...why aren't you doing this consistently? I mean, why not assume she's gone for good? How does that hurt you? Shutting the door, not looking back and moving forward DO NOT preclude a reconciliation down the road. They just get you moving in YOUR life and if anything, IF ANYTHING YOU DO CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO YOUR WIFE, though it is NOT the goal of GAL, it would be for you to move forward.
So what if it doesn't work to get her back? Nothing else has and you've been miserable. If you're going to be without her AND happy again, at least you'd have that much more of your life in control that much sooner, and the eventual happiness you WILL create, will come that much sooner. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
So what if it doesn't work to get her back? Nothing else has and you've been miserable. If you're going to be without her AND happy again, at least you'd have that much more of your life in control that much sooner, and the eventual happiness you WILL create, will come that much sooner.
That's what everyone has said and I'm angry enough today to where I'm seriously motivated to go forward and not look back.
As far as 'waiting for her', I'm going to see what paperwork she has had drawn up and then go to a lawyer and ask how I should proceed. Between friends I have on the board, and my counselor who has given me tons of warnings as she has walked many of her clients through divorces, I'm sure I will come out of this in good shape.
I'm not a martyr. I've been one for the past year or so. Not any more.
