Partner left after 9 years - now what?

[GFI]

wow - Ali - sorry bout this turn of events - on the one hand - but the pressie! ??? thats so confusing for you...it must feel like he won't let you go... a classic mixed message...but yet you know you must "drop the rope". I can't even begin to imagine how mixed up you feel about this...

The only thing I can offer is to suggest that he is not doing things "on purpose" - not realising the consequences of this from your angle...and only with "love" the kind that comes from real friends and a real connection - it suggests to me that you're still massively important to him - but now - you're left with the challenge of dealing with this in a balanced way and not grasping at this and not losing yourself into this...

i have a similar challenge to deal with tomorrow - BIL and SIL are coming over to W's and H - I have H tomorrow eve instead of tonight which was the original plan so she can "go out for a beer" with them - but I'll bet £££ that the OM is about to be introduced to them.

And I mention that on your thread only to illustrate that as we come across these events - the pressie and phone call in your case and then the skiing news - that we must, when engaged in this terrible journey - find ways of confronting these events in a way which allows us to take care of ourselves - otherwise there is a great danger that we get beaten into a victim mentality - only reacting and not being proactive. Ali - you can deal with this - you need to...with an outsider's view of this - tell us what are the positives from your interactions today? - articulate them, write them down - objectively and dispassionately. Then tell us how you are doing to deal with Christmas for YOU!

Best - GFI