Newbie here seeking advice/hope...

[Sugar and Spice]

Vicky,

FWIW, heres my .02. First and foremost figure out what you want and what you are/are not willing to deal with.

The last thing you want to do is try and make H choose between you and his child, you should make this child a part of your life. If H does want to work it out with you then there would need to be a detailed outline of what is/isn't appropriate and a policy of complete transparency regarding his interractions with OW. As far as her keeping your from his S, that isn't her choice, it would be his. You would be in the best position here. You would have a child to love, nurture, support, etc... without the headaches attached. You don't have to be the bad guy or any of that, you can just be the fun person who loves him and has a great time with him...kinda like a really young grandparent.

Your story is heartbreaking and I feel for you, but you are going to have to sit down and take a good hard look at the situation and he brutally honest with yourself when you decide whether or not you can deal with this. This is something that I have had to do recently in my situation.

My C told me something about stress and reading your situation made me think of it.

Researchers were doing a study on stress. They got a frog and put it in a pot of cold water. The frog was swimming around and all was well. They turned on the heat and the water started to warm up, the frog was still swimming around and adjusted to the warmth. The researchers continued to turn up the heat on the frog and each time the frog adjusted to the temperature change. After a long while the water was boiling and the frog was dead. So they decided to get another frog, they took this frog and threw it into the boiling water and it hopped out. The point of this story you ask? We are like the first frog. We continue to adjust to the ever increasing stress without realizing the toll it is taking on us and those around us. A new person entering the situation or looking at it from the outside would be like the 2nd frog and hop out of the pot.

I put that in there because you may need to hop out of the pot for a while, regroup and decide what you want/need for you. I'm definately not saying to give up or anything like that, just give yourself a little time to regroup, heal and make some decisions.

Listen to the kind and knowledgeable people here, they are some of the finest people God has ever created.