For the Guy with Kids and a WW Twenty Two

[hopeful4her]

Link to 21.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1664161&page=1&fpart=1

My last couple of posts.

I was reading over on Yenko's thread. I think our spouses are very similar. His is more vocal on her feelings for him. She does love him, even though she gave him the ILYNILWY thing. She loves him, just not the way a wife should love a husband.

Sounds just like my wife. I know she loves me, just not like a wife should. She knows we have a connection like no one else is going to give her. She's not going to TELL me, because she doesn't want me to get the wrong idea. I know her.

His wife told him to 'let her go'.

Mine has told me the same, and I believe that I'm just now doing that. Both of our wives also believe that we could never trust them again or truly forgive them for the affair they have had.

I think its THEM that cannot trust themselves again or forgive themselves.

Went to pick up D11 from the apartment yesterday. Inside, OM's coat was hanging on the back of a barstool next to the wife's. He must have left it there when he left in the morning. Best I can figure, she leaves in the morning before he does.

I think he does it on purpose, but screw him.

I thought about using it to make a bed for the dog outside on the patio, but decided against it. It was a trigger, but just a little different this time. I felt nearly....indifferent.

I'm letting her go, she will live her life and I'll live mine.

We can work on our R after she D's me. I plan on talking to her about getting on with our lives sometime in January, I think, and try to find out why she hasn't initiated anything yet. Confusion, financial reasons, wanting to wait out her lease, whatever.

[Sugar and Spice]

I'm first? Wow, fix me something that will kill this cold or make me sleep long enough that I won't care.

H4H I think you are doing a great job of detaching and separate Christmases are just what the Dr. ordered. I know how hard it is for us (I fully admit it) to let them go and "feel" their choices.

You are a good man and I'm sorry she is too fogged to realize what she stands to lose. Keep being the best Roger you can and let God take care of the rest. When you give it to Him, that means you have to let it go....

[InLikeFlynn]

OUCH!!! Sorry to here that!!!

But as I posted to you before....H4H is a package deal and not available for rent only to buy!!!

I would even tell her that you can't even go into the apartment anymore. Seeing wonderboy's remains in the house is too much for you emotionally to deal with. The well timed phoned calls/texts etc. That might even put pressure on her in regards to him because the kids will wonder why you won't come in anymore. Then she will have to explain.

Subtle pressure by various means. The price to continue with wonderboy must be steep. H4H is no longer her girlfriend!!

[hopeful4her]

Suga, you need two shots of Patron. Clear ya' right up and if not, you won't give a damn anyway.

ILF, I thought of that on the way home last night. I do think that I'll start waiting outside the apartment from now on. If she asks, I'd simply say,

"Thats ok. Its better I stay outside because that way, I won't have to see any of FH's stuff that you like to leave out or have to listen to you answer his calls in front of me."

You and I think along the same lines, dude.

[Sugar and Spice]

Suga, you need two shots of Patron. Clear ya' right up and if not, you won't give a damn anyway.

Last time I had Patron I woke up with a black eye...so I'll need supervision!

ILF, I thought of that on the way home last night. I do think that I'll start waiting outside the apartment from now on. If she asks, I'd simply say,

"Thats ok. Its better I stay outside because that way, I won't have to see any of FH's stuff that you like to leave out or have to listen to you answer his calls in front of me."

You and I think along the same lines, dude.

I completely agree with ILF... She won't like that you aren't her "buddy" anymore. ((((Hugs))))

[hopeful4her]

Suga, she may not like it, but somehow I think she'll deal with it.

Had a short convo with her last night, on the way to take the girls to my parents house to stay the night. Knowing she was going to call me at some point, I turned the ringer off. We were on our way to drop S14's bags at his grandfathers house, where he was staying already.

While pulling up to the house, she called, but D11 saw my phone light up, dang it. She answered it and spoke to her for a minute, then she is shoving the phone at me.

"What!"
"Here! She wants to talk to you."
"Hold on!" I was talking to S14 about his day, who had come out to the car to meet us.

She asks me if I could let her know what I've gotten the kids, so that she doesn't get the same things. I tell her that I'm going shopping after I drop the kids off. She says she is going to go shopping tomorrow morning.

"And have you thought about how you want to do Christmas?" she asked.
"Yeah. I want to have them Christmas Eve."
A short silence.
"Ok."

She then asks about D7, and I just tell her to hold on and I give the phone to D7.

They start to talk and D7 is acting sad. In the meantime, we say our goodbyes to S14 and head out. I can hear the wife asking D7, "What's wrong? What's the matter?". D7 tells her that she wants to go with me and not stay at grandmas.

It's her usual routine. She hates when we separate, but after I leave, she's fine. I hear the wife telling that she can pick her up if she wants tomorrow.

Of course, this starts D7 to wanting to ask me is she can go to the apartment. The wife had told her that she is off tomorrow. I can hear her telling the wife that she is going to ask me.

She does ask me and I say to her, "Let me talk to your mother!"

"What's going on?" I ask.
"How come D7 doesn't want to stay with your mom?" all concerned.
"She ALWAYS does this. She would rather go with me. You know she does this all the time."
"Oh, well I was telling her that I could pick her up after I do my things tomorrow."
"I'll be off by then, so no need."

She is quiet again, and then starts to tell me about some parties that D7 is invited to on Saturday.
"Well, she keeps mentioning them, but no one tells me about when, where, and who."

She starts to tell me about them and I let her know that I'll take her to the early one. She says that she has her branch party Saturday night, implying that she can't take her to the later one.

Like I was wanting her too?

I let her know that I also have my branch party on Saturday, but I'm taking the girls, and that the District had it's party last weekend.

Not sure why I mentioned it. Just came out.

"Well....D7 just has to stay there." she says finally.
"Yes. She does."

She tells me that she is almost at the apartment and that when she gets there, she'll call me to verify what time the party is. I say ok, and tell her bye.

She pauses and says goodbye.

I left off the kids, went to have dinner at a clients Mexican Restaurant, and didn't have to pay.

Sweet! Even had a Margarita. After, went to a bar that an old friend bartends at for years. Had a couple drinks there and then head to Wallymart.

Christmas shopping with a buzz. Got almost everything I needed at 12:00 midnight. Just need a couple DS games for D7 then done.

Never heard from the wife. She must have gotten 'preoccupied'.

Gonna get off work now and get my girlies and have a busy day of shopping for a Bday gift, a kids bday party and then my party later tonight.

I'm already tired.

[hopeful4her]

Never made it to any parties yesterday. D7 was not feeling well, so we ended up just going home. While at my mom's house, and with D7 laying on me on a chair, the wife called.

As my usual, I have D11 answer it. She talks for a while and then brings the phone to me and, as her usual, tries to put the phone to my ear.

"What?!"
"Here! She wants to talk to you!

Our usual thing now.

She says hello and then asks about D7. D11 had already told her about her not feeling well. I tell her that probably weren't going to the childrens party because 1) she never called to verify the time, and 2) D7 wasn't feeling well. The wife mentions that it sounded like allergies and I agreed. She then asked if I'm able to talk without the girls hearing me. I say no, and she says that she is going to read off the kids wish list and if I could let her know what I got. She reads down all the stuff and I respond, "Yup" when she says something I bought.

After, I ask her what SHE has gotten them. She says that she hasn't gone shopping yet. She has just finished her batches of tamales and is getting ready to go now. I let her talk to D7 for a bit and then after, we head home.

We went to church this morning and then back home. Lunch, more movies, and then later D7 fell asleep on my bed. While she slept, D11 and I made Oatmeal cookies. Around 5:30, I call the wife and ask if she is at the apartment. She says yes and I let her know that we are finishing making some cookies and that we'll be by just a bit later. She say she'll be home. I ask if I should feed them and she says she'll make something there.

On the way in, maybe 10 minutes from the apartment, B calls me. We talk for a little bit. Haven't spoken to her in a few days. She always seems to call at the oddest times.

Before we get there, I let the girls know that I'm not going in so we'll say our goodbyes outside the apartment. Walking to the apartment, D7 asks, "Daddy, how come you don't want to come inside? You don't like momma anymore?"

I let her know that THAT is not what it is, I just don't want to go inside anymore. At the door, D11 knocks and the wife comes to answer it. I beging saying my goodbyes and give kisses. The wife is telling us to come inside, but I keep on saying goodbyes. The girls go in and I hand D7's school back pack to the wife.

She is wearing a camoflage baseball cap. I know the OM has a similar cap that sits on her tv entertainment center in her room. Looking closer, its not the same one. This one has the fish symbol of Christians on the front.

"Do you want to stay for dinner?" she asks me.
"No, but thank you. Thank you."

D7 asks, "You don't want to stay, daddy?"
"No momma. Its better that I don't."

D7 comes to me again and I tell her goodbye. She is trying to stall me by talking to me. I tell her to be a good girl and that we'll see each other on Wednesday.

"Christmas Eve, right daddy?"
"Yup. Christmas Eve."

I say goodbye and start to walk off. She says she'll call me, right at the last second. I just smile and keep on walking.

Outside the wifes door were two bags of trash, which I left.
Almost walked back to get them to throw away for her. Thought about it, but changed my mind.

Then, I sat inside my car and cried. Sat there for maybe 15 minutes. Cried some more on the way home. Trying not to cry right now.

House is empty. We were listening to Christmas songs on the way to drop them off, so the station was still on.

Turned off the tree, and the Holiday lamp. Went into the girls rooms and just cant' stop being sad.

I miss my girls already. Do I miss the wife? I must. I keep thinking about us, but I know I'm doing the right thing for me. This Christmas is going to be really hard. The memories keep flooding in.

But, I'm gonna get through it.

[karen43]

But, I'm gonna get through it.

Yep! We will! And you did an awesome job today! Everything you did was perfect I think, including the not taking the trash, not staying for dinner, all of it.

Don't know if it's the holidays but the last couple nights I've had dreams about H. One a couple nights ago was kind of sweet, he was nice, like he used to be pre-OW. I've also had a couple nightmares where I was cussing out OW. Guess I still have some unresolved issues. Oh, well. I think we'll all cheer up again after Christmas is over. Until Valentine's Day anyway. Karen

[InLikeFlynn]

Good Job!!! Has your wife asked you why you won't come in anymore? If not she might when you pickup the kids on X-Mas Eve?

Explaining that you have become uncomfortable in the apartment with all FH's residue laying around and his well timed phone calls and text's when your there!! Saying this while the kids are listening will put alot of pressure on their relationship around the kids. I can just hear your D7 say "mommy you need to stop bringing FH to the apartment"!!!

Or even say to kids if asked again.....well now that FH has replaced me with your mother I don't feel right entering the apartment!!!

[karen43]

Explaining that you have become uncomfortable in the apartment with all FH's residue laying around and his well timed phone calls and text's when your there!!

I know the kids could be allies on this, but they are kind of young maybe to be involved with that. Maybe best to have that discussion when they're not around or can't hear you?

Or even say to kids if asked again.....well now that FH has replaced me with your mother I don't feel right entering the apartment!!!

Well, something like that might be ok, I mean honesty and saying you feel uncomfortable in W's apt. I don't know that you need to give specific details or go into it any more than that. I've never been to my H's apt. once and don't plan to.

Karen