I just want to say thank you so, so much to everyone who has been replying. Your support literally keeps me from sinking into dark, dark places.
Pearlharbr: Thank you so much for all of your support. *hugs* I'm still not sure if I'm going to send Christmas cards to his family. I want to as I think it is friendly and kind and appropriate, but I also don't want to pursue or make anyone uncomfortable. The jury is still out on that one.
Crafidi: Thank you so much for stopping by and offering your support. It means so much to me. I really appreciate your prayers, and I am keeping you in mine as well. It is true that we deserve so much better than what we are giving, and I have to remind myself that I am the better person for taking the high road, for not running from difficult situations and emotions. You hang in there as well. Your W certainly does not deserve your love right now, and you are a much better person for not deserting her - for practicing tough love. I try to remind myself that following the lessons of Christ means that I must love my enemy, that I must not judge, that I must endure hardship and pain because it is the right thing to do rather than the easy thing.
Spellfire: Thank you so very, very much for your kind words. I am touched by your support and by your faith in me. I am working on detaching little by little - need to ramp up those efforts. Everytime I think i've detached a bit more, something happens to enrage me and pull me back in. I'd be giving him way too much credit if I thought it was on purpose, but it still sucks nonetheless.
Justwaitn: Yep, he is totally being a b******. It is taking every ounce of my energy to not call him on his BS. But then I remind myself that someone who is willing to be so heartless to protect himself is not worth my anger. I could come up with a hundred reasons for that note - he's just trying to cover his bases; he's scared; he thinks I've pulled back and is gearing up for a fight; he's being influenced by outside parties; he's trying to get a rise out of me. Who knows. And I suppose, in the end, it doesn't even matter. Thank you so much for the compliment on my writing. It really makes my day brighter. And yes, I love music - actually blasted some good angry music during my drive into work and felt much better. Thanks for the soothing vibes!
NW626: Thank you so much, NW626, for your continued support and advice. I cannot express how much your encouragement helps. I suppose my Achilles' heel has always been procrastination and obsessive thinking, so I am resolving to do better at tackling my job. I'm the kind of person that has to focus to the exclusion of everything else - I can throw myself into my work, but if I feel that the rest of my life is "untidy", I have a hard time truly applying myself. That's a big one for me to work on.
As a sidenote, I have received another "formal" email from him. After the bomb was dropped on our anniversary, we went about a day without contact. Then he sent me this:
"Hello _____ [my full name - and by full name, I mean proper name instead of nickname],
I'm writing in order to make sure the bill situation is getting worked out. When I left you told me you wanted the car, house, and everything. That's fine. I just want you to know that I'm not going to pay any bills associated with the house and or vehicle due to having to find a place to rent and can't afford it. If you want to give me the car then I can pay that along with insurance, but I honestly can't afford the house payment. Also everything such as cable, electric, water/utilities needs to get paid as well. I'm not going to be able to pay for that as well. I'm going to take the home security system unless you want it, but that also comes with a thirty dollar monthly payment as well. If you decided to keep the house or sell and not let it foreclose than we need to get together in order to change everything in your name so you get credit for it. If not I'll have to let it bankrupt. Andrea, for the record I never had any sexual relations with anyone, I was only talking. I'm going to come over Tuesday afternoon with one of my coworkers to retrieve my belongings. I'll make sure to only grab my gear. Also can you leave out my family photos as well. I won't keep you any longer.
_____"
I ended up deflecting the tension by sending this:
"Good afternoon, _____.
Thank you for your email. I truly hope that this note finds you well.
As far as your request for my response is concerned, I respectfully request a little more time in responding. The decisions to be made in this situation will have long-standing consequences, therefore I require more time in responding as to the exact nature of my position in regards to the items I will take. I would appreciate it greatly if you would give me until 10:00 AM on Tuesday, November 25th to respond to you thoroughly as to how to proceed. I do appreciate greatly that you promised that I could have whatever I wanted in any way that I wanted, and that the terms of our settling of affairs would be my decision. I thank you for that, and it is a mark of your character.
As I have requested that you wait until Tuesday morning for my full answer, I think it best to schedule the removal of your possessions for Wednesday or Thursday. Please let me know the time that you will arrive to remove your things. If you require anything from the house immediately, I can have a neutral party meet you to deliver those items. I will of course leave your family photos out for you, and I will do my best to separate our goods ahead of time so as to save you time in rifling through each room.
When you left, I said that one day I hoped we could come together as friends, and I meant it. We have had a long journey together, and although we are both opening a new chapter in our lives, I hope that we can each look back at our season together with fondness, warmth, and appreciation for the time we had. I know that I will. I truly wish you the best on your continuing journey, and I wish you happiness and fulfillment in all you do.
Sincerely, _____"
He didn't respond to my response. I texted him late night and told him that even though I knew that things were as they were, I couldn't sleep and wanted him to know that I was there if he needed to talk.
He responded with a thank you, I-want-to-remain-close-as-well text the next day, and from there, things were friendly again.
So yeah, I don't know what to make of any of this. It's funny to go back and read his old email as the stuff about picking up his things, etc never happened.
I really appreciate your prayers, and I am keeping you in mine as well. It is true that we deserve so much better than what we are giving, and I have to remind myself that I am the better person for taking the high road, for not running from difficult situations and emotions. You hang in there as well. Your W certainly does not deserve your love right now, and you are a much better person for not deserting her - for practicing tough love. I try to remind myself that following the lessons of Christ means that I must love my enemy, that I must not judge, that I must endure hardship and pain because it is the right thing to do rather than the easy thing.