I'll be thinking of you over the weekend and sending positive energy to you.
A few years ago I began reading Buddhist texts. Michele's notion of a "beginner's mind" is borrowed from buddhism, along with the practice of "staying in the moment". I have not fully embraced buddhism in my life, partly because it is anti-gay (I am a human rights activist), however, many of the teachings are useful as a basis for daily practices.
Would you consider a brief period of "sitting" - which is meditation - before meeting with your h? There is nothing special that one has to do. It can be something as simple as focussing on your breathing, then visualizing yourself in the encounter, perhaps seeing you and your husband surrounded by healing light. It facilitates the "discipline" of being in the moment, which is the only way to truly fully live. The past can only be learned from and the future is to be discovered.
These were some of the practices that allowed me to heal from abuse. Over the past few days I've turned to them again to deal with what has been going on.
I look forward to reading whatever you wish to share following your meeting with h.
