I'll figure some stuff out for work in January, I do have some temporary things that are helping on that front for now.
Something that I find challenging to deal with is that although I am quite "dark" in terms of contact, W. has emailed me a couple of times recently...if I respond, she is often engaging and humorous. This is like how she was before, during the separation...these distant emails as though all is normal, staying in contact but not because anything has changed. Those messages never went anywhere, it was like a contact but still holding me at 1000 miles away. I'm pretty tired of those kinds of invitations to connect but there is no change or substantive offering behind any of it. It's just a means to either stay in touch or I suspect it's about trying to steer it along the roads of "we're friends now and can laugh about things, so my leaving is okay with everyone now...phew...and best of all, I might be able to keep him as a friend while I continue on exploring options with other men...". Somehow, that doesn't sound like a great deal for me. I don't know that that is the case of what is happening, but I haven't understood much of any of it since it began. I'm really confused by it all.
I'm not sure how to respond because so little has been offered in terms of taking responsibility. Part of me would like to maintain a connection, but part of me feels it is not very authentic to go along with this kind of contact. I feel confused and find it odd to get these kinds of messages.
I wonder if others have had experiences with this?
