Peace and many prayers for you my dear. Good night. Better get your crampons (or whatever they are called ..those rock climbing expeditionary like cleat attachments) Them thingies. lol.
Our dose of the wintry weather is nearly here ..another few hours and the snow will be flying here. Rue and I both love it. Darling loves it too. Think I will throw a snowball at them both. HAhahha
Well the in-laws showed up unannounced at 4:30 to look at our tree (what is up with looking at people's trees? my mom keeps saying she needs to come 'look at it' too).
I was pretty distant with them (duh I am pissed). MIL says, "I have missed you!" and hugs and kisses me...wtf
Then H came over after work. He called first from Omaha and I told him to just drive to Tom's and spend the night as it was a short drive and it was icy. Well he came anyway...kids and I were just sitting down to supper so I told him he could eat too (once he is there in front of the kids I feel I am kind of over a barrel so to speak).
Then the Grinch movie came on w/Jim Carrey and the kids and I were planning to watch it while we hoped for a snow day. H came on in and got on the couch and the kids both climbed up on him so they snuggled together for half the movie. Grrr!
After kids went to bed I gave Dan his copy of the parenting plan examples and told him we could talk about them Sunday. Then I told him I wasn't comfortable with him just coming over whenever, did he plan to have me doing the same at his house? He said he just wanted to see the kids as much as possible. I told him his decision to move out meant he wouldn't be seeing them as much (duh).
I asked a couple things about the house he is buying b/c it will be seen as marital debt by the divorce attorneys/judges and I don't like how he is being shady about it. He told me:
*Realtor doesn't know his mom and dad are giving him the money, he didn't tell her where he was getting it, he will have it before closing so it will look like his (ooooooookay?)
*He told the realtor he was looking at it for an investment property, to rent. I said, "For you to rent? But you are buying it?" H said, "No to rent to other people". So he even lied to his own real estate agent about why he wanted the house.
At that point even though I know it was not my problem, I told him I didn't understand why he was being so secretive about it. He said even his sisters didn't know he was buying a house, only his mom and dad knew. It 'wasn't their business'. I said, "Oh, ok, so when Nathan starts telling them about the new Star Wars bed he has at Dad's house, THAT is how they will find out?"
I said I felt he wasn't taking ownership of his decision. He said he was not happy with his decision, he was not proud of his decision, and he had gotten exactly 5 minutes of sleep the night before trying to figure out how to explain it to Nathan (S6). (Sooooo not feeling bad for him!) I told him it would be public knowledge as we would need to fill out new contact forms at the elementary school and the daycare center and unfortunately in our small town news travels fast.
That got him all pissy, he hates small town gossip, yada yada. I said, this is the reality, we cannot sweep it under the rug, it is what it is.
So he was in a foul mood when he left. Sorry that he can't quietly sneak away from his commitments without anyone in the world knowing, geez.............
Realtors have a saying, "buyers are liars" for a reason. But it doesn't matter what he tells the realtor. It matters what he puts on the loan application. Why doesn't he buy the house in partnership with his parents? Then it is not a loan of the downpayment. They are investing with him, which is the truth. In the meantime, you should get a separation agreement and separate out your half of the money. If this thing goes through this way, you are going to be called upon to sign documents at the closing. They will probably want your signature on the offer and on the mortgage. And if he keeps from them that he can't get that, he stands to lose the downpayment.
As you say, this is real life. The days of easy mortgages are supposed to be over. They will look for where the downpayment came from. It can't just appear in his bank account one day and be written as a check the next. They will question that. He will have to show that he sold something or that it was gifted to him. And there is a limit on how much a person can gift in a year without the recipient paying tax. So, he will owe tax on the money. I'm sure your sister knows all this stuff better than I do.
Because as you say, it is marital debt. They are not looking for more foreclosures. He is not the first spouse to try to buy something or sell without the other party. That is the first thing the title attorneys check -- marital status of the buyer and seller. If you are going to be encumbered, then you need to sign that you are aware of it, and you agree to it.
In every state I have sold real estate in, they xerox the driver's licenses of the buyers and sellers. In the past there have been instances of husbands bringing the girlfriend in to sign as the wife. If he tries to do this behind your back, he will either try to get a power of attorney from you, or steal your license.
I hate to keep going on about this, but...he is not buying this on his own. He is using your assets in the bank to qualify. He probably will include your income on the application, and he is using the parents' downpayment. On his own? Hardly.
