Standing on the Edge

[native]

Whether or not you like the beach issue, I would drop it. Is it really that important? Remember, you cannot control what she does. Can you do a 180 on this issue?

Thanks Msm....I have been acting a little whiney and hurt that she is taking vacations and going out with stupid people that she prefers over me.....

Not to say that I'm not stupid in her eyes.

But I really do have to deal with this the best I can, and you are right. I just felt the pangs of rejection and though I did not go off on how her friends are evil and stupid, I did show her I was hurt by by awkward silence.

In fact, I had thought to take a beach trip without her, but I am trying to make the most of the time I have to work and fix up the house to put it on the market sometime in the Spring.

I can wish her well on her beach trip without being pissy.

I know I can...!!!

Question - if you would have been happy or agreeable to the beach issue & then brought your D into the issue the way you did - would your W have reacted differently? It seems she was in reaction mode - not action mode.

I don't think that was it. We talked today about it and she said she was out of sorts b/c she felt 'manipulated' into coming to dinner. I had said I wanted to see my family at dinnner before going on this long road trip b/c I might not come back. I said it tounge in cheek, but she felt manipulated.

However, it was her choice to come or not. She even chose the restaurant. I seemed everything was fine too, until I talked about the beach. She was so offended by what appeared to be a set up, but was just a conversation starter, that it ruined my evening. I wish she had stayed home.

Oh yeah. The other reason she was a b***h was b/c she did not want me to have false hope, that every time she was friendly that I might think we were getting back together.

That's when I laid into her about how I dreaded us getting back together unless she had some sort of life changing event. I let her know I was done with being her scapegoat and the blame for her unhappiness. Sure, I have my faults, but I am learning from this, though I did not see evidence that she was recognizing her part at all.

She got quiet and 'sounded' apologetic, without really saying it.

Actually had to reiterate this point ( about getting back together) twice in the same phone conversation, and I'm not sure she actually got it. Not listening I suppose.

Also told her not to nag me like a wife if she was only going to be a 'friend'.

So I was a little honest about my anger and disappointment in her.

She did sound humbled too. She did not fight it. Said she was sorry I felt that way. (not quite an admission of culpability).

Oh well, whatever.

I know damn well I put up with hell and bent over backwards to try to make her life happier and more comfortable. I think I did too much, but it is a slap in the face when after doing everything you can to accomodate your spouse, they crumble you up and toss you like yesterdays news.



Thanks for the food for thought...I don't know if it will ever be clear.....