Thanks for the hugs. I really need them right now. You're right, I need to get in a better head space before I do anything.
As usual, you write so beautifully all of the grief and anguish running through my veins right now. We were supposed to be going to Scotland on the 26th for New Year's. Now I need to find something to do on my own.
I loved your fear of fire metaphor. That's exactly how I feel too, he did the one thing he knew I find unacceptable--cheating--to end our years together. He didn't have the balls to just tell me he was unhappy and that we had serious problems that needed to be addressed.
Also on target, the person who I'm sharing a house with now is not the man I fell in love with. He's not the person I want to spend my life with. Maybe if I can remember that when I'm in the depths of despair that will help pull me out.
Your H is definitely throwing away the best thing in his life--you! Keep up the thought-stopping (I'll have to try that) and the PMA. I know you can make it through this.
And don't send gifts/cards to his family. I think it makes it awkward and isn't in your best interest.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
