Hi Jeff.. thanks for your post, I dont know what it is, but its always comforting to hear from you !!
Yeah..alianalysis, going over it. Latest one is, I'm jealous that he has got it all laid our for him.. the mates, the career (I helped him get, in fact, was instrumental in it!) the gf, he's moving to a shared house in Jan in a party village by the beach, lots of 30 somethings live there, his mate knows everyone, is dead popular, lots of beach partiess.. GRR! Even if he wasnt with Helen, his life will be full and fun I am sure.
And yet.. he is unhappy and says things like "whats the point of it all" !? So not all roses !!
No word, thats 3 weeks tommorow. Guess it had to 'end' someday, the contact we were having, if he's with her. he doesnt seem to have kept contact like Lisa's H, I am sure he doesnt want to rock the boat with her.
So today.. I got a letter from his mother !!! I was shocked, I half expected a christmas card, but not a handwritten letter inside. She didnt say much, polite, asked me lots about my future plans with college/work (!??) and then thanked me for going to see her in the hospital.. (that was in July!). My BFF thinks she might be feeling guilty for being a bit cr*p and unsupportive since he left me, my Mum said well she must be thinking of you, maybe she misses you? I wonder if she knows about Helen!?? No idea !!
Wierd, my ex isnt contacting me, but his mother is (which is touching). I will write back to her.
People know who is "right" and who is "wrong". Mothers know better than anyone else. It's another story how they contribute to their kids' shortcomings...
I bet she is thinking of you... Yes, be polite and write back. xxx K
Interesting about MIL writing to you- definitely reply!
You asked earlier about how I dealt with NC and didn't take it personally. I'm not sure I understood why NC would be personal as the WA being NC isn't personal- it's usually that they have other things going on, or are thinking of themselves, or are distracted/busy. If I'm not in touch with someone I know for a while it's never personl, it just reflects that I have things going on in my own life. So that's how I interpreted NC from my H.....(but I am slightly binary in that sense and usually don't take things personally, even when people think I should!)
Not sure if I'm making sense here, but I think the thing to do is to not think about the NC and focus on your own amazing and excellent life. You made the last contact, so let him come to you. He will eventually (he'll have to because of the houses in any case), and you can take things from there. Patience, patience and a bit more patience.
Hope you're having a good evening. Sorry if I was completely confusing!
Hey Lisa.. wow, thanks thats very helpful! To draw a comparison.. when I dont contact really good friends, its just that I am busy, or a bit down and dont want to bother them until I feel better (unless its BFFs, thats ok!). Thanks for that! Its hard NOT to take it personally, but thankyou. And I have a terrible cold!
Of course I still love him and would love to get back with him, but I would settle for friendship, if that were even on offer, which it isnt at the moment! I wonder what he is doing for Christmas!?
Hmm.. very odd MIL writing to me, shes an odd woman and wouldnt step out of her comfort zone if she didnt have to. I just wrote back to her, and it really strikes me how obvious it is she still has affection for me and wants to keep in touch. I was a very warm and caring DIL though and we have been through so much in that 10 year period - like death of her exH and I was totally supportive when her partner of 22 years walked out overnight for an OW. Awful. I was on the phone most days to her for a year, WAY more than my ex was. So she does owe me! I am curious whether she knows about Helen (hmm, maybe not??)
I did email him last Friday and he didnt reply eventhough it was mortgage related, which is unprecedented. I will need to email him in January when they go down again. I feel bad for those who are being adversely affected by the credit crunch, whereas its been a sudden cash bonanza for me!
...and guess who left me a message at 11 am this morning after getting back from Japan yesterday.... when I called back at midday, I got his W. She was a bit moaney, but I made a fuss of her and then she passed me to him. He said he "felt better" as the kids were great...then told me W and kids had all gone to playgroup this morning (11 am!) He sounded hurt when I said I would leave him to get on with his day and he said to call if I needed anything and he hoped to see me in a day or two when he was over his jet-hag.
Hmmm...I hope he is in reattachment mode...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE !!?? I think I may be becoming a tad intolerant...
hi there Ali - I would think for MIL that was quite a stretch! Good for her - for sticking her neck out i think...you have my admiration for writing back...and fwitw - I think that's the right thing to do...
Good for you for getting intolerant! From some angles you've been too tolerant for too long! But I also hope that you realise that no-one here or in you "real" life will hold that against you! i'm the same Ali - as you will know.
I like the sound of this- to "not think about the NC and focus on your own amazing and excellent life"
Ali - you reminded me some time ago that the best way to draw my w back to me was to let go...and grow some greener grass...
We all know that your lawn is greener than green - but now's the time to start showing some pride in it, being a bit canny with what you reveal and sometimes taking it further ... i'm dragging out some old male thoughts here but I think its highly unlikely that your ex or for that matter any male could ignore a "sorted, vivacious, sexy woman"...
What with that thought and john210's thread - I have a problem!!!
Best - GFI
Last edited by GFI; 12/19/0812:19 AM.
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
Yeah..alianalysis, going over it. Latest one is, I'm jealous that he has got it all laid our for him.. the mates, the career (I helped him get, in fact, was instrumental in it!) the gf, he's moving to a shared house in Jan in a party village by the beach, lots of 30 somethings live there, his mate knows everyone, is dead popular, lots of beach partiess.. GRR! Even if he wasnt with Helen, his life will be full and fun I am sure.
Wow, Ali, reading this is almost like reading my own thoughts!! Look, there is no way that a guy who is significantly depressed and using alcohol as a means to cover up pain and making a slew of avoidant / odd decisions is having a full and fun life. There is just no way--those things don't go together like that!
The MIL stuff is curious, isn't it? I'm with everyone else here, I think a note or contact back with her would be a good idea...it can't hurt, after all.
What are your plans for the upcoming week, what with Christmas and all?
Well, just found out why MIL wrote to me, probablym because she does know about Helen. Gutted. I feel so humiliated, replaced, all the family know, everyone knows. Why did I thikn they didnt?
My ex just phoned me ! For over an hour, hour and 10 I think? Sounded very sweet.. there were some signigicant bits, but I will post later. The way he was talking, I thought they had split up, but I see now, he just tries not to rub my face in it.
He said sweetly he had sent me a little something in the post.. I said, what is it? He said.. "a package", so he has sent me a present. I said.. oh I will have to give you yours when I see you.. but he said, oh I dont really know what I am doing after...but yes, definetly, we will meet up.
Anyway, he is going skiing tommorow mirning, with his brother, SIL. He said it he was going skiing with his brother as he didnt feel christmassy at all and didnt know what else to do and it was very last minute.. then 1/2 hour in I said, wow, so just you brother and SIL ! (I was jubilant as he sounded sinlge, saying he had been off sick all week and couldnt cook himself any food).. and he paused and said.. "ohh... and.. someone else.. sorry Al... ".. so he is going skiing for a week with Helen. A holiday with her. Over Christmas week. With his family.
...the post just arrived! Its his parcel...a wrapped present and card in a red envelope...
Gutted. Am I ever going to get over this? Going to go open it.
Hey Julia. Wow I swear the whole hour+ he was making it seem he was single. He was away all weekend with the lads.. then off ill from Monday all week. He talked about having trouble getting himself food, how his Mums been on the phone the whole time and anxious to come down to take care of him.. so I thought.. they have split up!!
Then he was going on about how he didnt know what else to do, his brother said, why dont you come with us? Its only a flight, theres a spare room. And he thought, why not? He said it was very last minute and he didnt feel at all christmassy.. when I said, wow, so just you, him and SIL then, I genuinely thought it was. We did talk about Helen a bit, post that in a min, feeling overwhelmed right now.
So Cher emailed her and BF G saw him last night, he seemed ok, but ill and said he was going skiing but she didnt know who with. So he didnt tell them he was going with her.. and he didnt tell me either, until I asked him directly. And even then he just said "and .. someone else..".
I'm gratedful, of course I am, I dont want to whinge, but is this stuff normal ????
I dont know why he phoned and sent me a present, guilt? wants to be friends!? And I still love him
Lisa.. if you are reading, you were tight.. patience! But WTF is all this about ?
