He is changing, isn't he? Slowly, but something is happening.
I like your plan. You are the one that will know when you are ready. The only thing I am not so sure about is the tightrope feeling. I'd like to think that you can get to a place where you can be yourself, or very close to it, and leave it up to him to deal with it.
The being girly and then ignoring thing can be pretty effective. It works on me! So do socks, of course!