Forgive me if I have already posted this to you but I find it helpful during times that I am feeling as you just described.
Try to separate feelings of grief from weakness. One thing I am learning very well through this experience is that we can be very strong and continue to get stronger every day and still be very sad, devastated even. You are strong for your boys even when you are at your saddest, lowest moments of grief.
As you said, we cycle through a lot of feelings in this process. JWM said something to me in a post yesterday that I like. He said that when he has a crying jag, as he called it, he likes to think that he just got rid of that particular bit of pain. I like that because it feels progressive. I read in a book on grief that the chemical makeup of tears of sadness is different from that of tears of joy. The theory is that tears of sadness are the body's way of ridding itself of the toxins and negative chemicals the body produces during sadness. Even if it is total crap, I still like the idea.
The other thing is that sometimes we can only be comforted by those going through something similar. I find it very comforting to receive words of strength and support here on these boards. So keep letting it out to us.
