When do the tears go away ?

[whitneypinch]

Tom,

Again you have hit the nail on the head !!!
You are just further along than I am with my X. I have cleared the way for her to join us with the kids. I do a lot of great fun adventures with my kids. It's part of who I am. I am really passionate for life. I have asked and she says she wants to come but had other plans. I think it's her way to not look bad. That is her personality as a "pleaser".

My W too dated a lot of people before me. In fact I think she is most happy doing that. She get’s to have fun and not dive deep. The truth is my W has done a ton of reading and really explored herself so sometimes it does not make sense.

I have been reading like crazy as well since this happened a year ago. In fact in the last 2 days I have read most of the stuff you suggested from the websites. My god, I just learned so much more about being a man. I NEVER had a role model growing up at all. Looking back I have realized that I stopped being a man with her. We have a ton of complicated situations around that but it does not matter. What matters is getting that back.

You know my W has said she forgave me a long time ago but clearly her actions speak that she has not.

Man, I don't know, this is crazy the amount of work and reading required. I guess it's all worth it or we would not be here as you have said.

My W and I were texting and I slipped in a flirt. I have done this maybe twice in the last year. She shut me down the two other times. So far she has not shut me down yet today but I will see. I am so lusty for my W. I have not been with another women in the last year, nor am I ready or wanting that.
My kids are my ideal date.

I am will you 100% about changing up the communications. I too am going to make a point to talk to her on the phone more. She and I have said we like that better. She and I have been texting 99% of the time in the last year. It has calmed things down a bit but it's time to talk on the phone. It's hard to hear her sound so distant though. I miss my W’s sweet talk to me which of course is gone now.

What do you mean by this: "From all of the stories I have read on DB, the dynamics of our roles would make it seem as though she would be the one who wanted the reconciliation and I was off in left field picking dandelions. Appearances deceive sometimes."?

It's also funny, my W has done a few destructive actions over the last year and made sure I knew about them. Why is it that they do that?