First, work Christmas lunch is being held on Thursday, I signed up and making lasagna and now i see that OW has signed up also. When I had the argument with H I told him to tell her not to attend and H said he can't tell her what to do. (H is not going) In anger I said I then cannot be responsible for what I say then. I do not want to back out of this lunch. How should I handle it that day? What I would like to do is expose them (I can't), take her pie and dump it on her head (I would get fired), so I need some viable advice on how to handle this! I do plan on making one portion size of the lasagna (H's favorite) and just leaving it on his desk. I know OW will have a fit if she stops to see him. teehee. Help.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Ok...for your question on your work luncheon I would say walk in there with your head high and your tasty lasagna and do a complete 180 in front of both of them. Act like they don't even exist in the room. Go around and talk with everyone, laugh, flirt, and they will be the ones to feel totally uncomfortable. This is what I would do. They are the ones who should be ashamed NOT YOU!!! YOU did nothing wrong!! They are the ones doing the wrong!!
I would even go as far as to walk up to my H and ask him if he wanted some lasagna! Say it with a smile right in front of her because she would not be able to do or say anything without risking their secret. She has already ran from you remember??LOL
Do it with pride and with self-confidence. Absolutely no one can take that from you.
Me35/H35 D16/SS14 M-1yr/known H 18yrs 1st Bomb: 4/26 OW35 2nd Bomb: 8/17 OW21 Moved out 8/21/08 H filed D on 9/9/08
God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.
Hey you girls, good to hear from you. Advice is good, H is not going because he is avoiding everything! But what I am going to do is bring him a slice of lasagna and leave it on his desk, and then when I bring the lasagna to the lunch I will say I cut a piece for my H. lol. People in work do not know we broke up. Can't wait to see OW face. Wish she would not go. Appreciate your input. It was good. Check in tomorrow and will let you know how I did without punching her...
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Hi everyone, Journaling, Went to lunch, OW shows up with a smirk on her face. Why should she NOT show up. Someone on another board said look she is sc$ewing your H and she knows that you know it and you have done nothing. Ouch it hurt but oh so true. On the other board they took a hard line and said I should turn both of them in and let them get fired. Even with financial loss, and the unknown it is the right thing to do. I am really scared. I will be going back east on Tuesday and be around friends and family and try to take to figure out what to do when I am physically and mentally away from work and this A. thoughts?
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
It's a tough decision, Hope. I did expose my wife and OM's affair to their employer (they worked at the same place), and although it put a bunch of heat on them, neither one of them lost their job over it. I would definitely do it again, tho, as the employer had the right to know that this was going on on his premises.
One other thing I did about OM once, since I used to go in and work out at this same gym where he works. Even though I never confronted him directly (and DEFINITELY would advise NOT to), I didn't want him thinking that I was just doing NOTHING. So I walked right past him, stopped, looked him square in the eyes, and just . . . .WINKED. Smiled and winked at him.
Really unnerved him!!!
My dad is a loud man, but his brother (my uncle) used to instill even more fear into his kids after they'd done something really wrong by just STAYING SILENT ALL DAY LONG. Sometimes even TWO days. My cousins used to HATE it, as they were just WAITING for the punishment to come.
Maybe you can use these two thoughts to come up with something where the OW can think you're not thru with her yet, by any means.
Hi Puppy, I am scared. If I expose at work they will both be fired. I know it is the ethical thing to do but I also have to think about D15 and myself and the negative impact it will have. These are the things that keep me awake at night.
1) financial loss where we can longer stay in our house 2) embarrassment and shame for myself at work (I know I am not supposed to feel like this since I am not the one that had the affair - maybe it is a woman thing!) 3) possible negative impact to my career (turning your own husband in) 4) Having to pull my D15 out of school which she loves and moving back east and getting job transfer. Also she is in a prep school and will be earning up to 60 college credits upon graduating which will help later in paying for her education.
PD, you made me laugh about the uncle story. I had an uncle also that reminds me of yours. Except when everyone was screaming and yelling at the kids, he would hold his back hand up and say "the cat saw this", all the kids would go running and hiding to escape the wrath of "uncle Johnie"
On another note..how are you doing? Guess the Christmas of 2008 will not be the best for you also. You are in my prayers. I know how difficult it is for a long term marriage to crumble. I always thought I was in this for life also. I know the problems in my marriage and have been doing personal inventory on them but did you find yourself here? I think of what we are losing and how it should be. Thanks for stopping by
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Hope, It's amazing how similar our situations are. The only difference being is that my H owns the company, well, so do I. I think he likes to pretend that I don't, but it will certainly hit him between the eyes if it ever comes down to divorce when he has either sell the business or buy me out.
As far as you exposing the affair at work, I totally understand where you are coming from. It would not only effect his life, but that of yours and your DD also.
I will tell you that many people know about H's affair including our two DDs 17 & 20. It didn't seem to phase him. He even had the audacity to invite DDs with him to take his mother out for a family b-day gathering. He failed to mention that the OW was going also. The girls were not happy with him at all. They were very uncomfortable with the situation. The other humiliating part was that youngest DD met them there with her friend because they had other things to do first. Can you imagine how embarassing it was to show up at the restaurant with your friend and your married dad be there with his secretary/ow. That was not the only shock the girls got that day, DD and friend got to see him in his new "rug". He had never worn one before! Talk about a MLC! LOL!!!
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is if the situation would effect your daily life, then do what you think is best. Honestly, I'm not sure they would be fired and then you would have to put up with the gossiping. This way at least the OW isn't able to flaunt it in your face because it isn't common knowledge at work.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Hi Yoyo, appreciate you stopping by. I do have mixed feelings. I know the right ethical thing to do but I also know that of the negative impact it will have on all of us.
I do know that they will absolutely be fired since the OW works directly for my H and it is in our code of ethics. Other people have got fired for this. The reason is because it could put the company in liability, something your H should be careful of. His OW/secretary could start screaming "sexual harassment" and put the business in jeopardy.
I cannot believe your H exposed his daughters to the OW? They really are in a fog. I know how hurt my girls are by all of this. My D15 has not been the same since H moved. He took away the last of her childish innocence. She was a really good kid and not exposed to anything like this. We (meaning me and my H) always held her accountable and raised her to be honest. Now my D questions how her father was a role model for her and then doing this?
I did have a laugh about the part about H wearing a new "rug". OMG I don't think I have ever seen a good hairpiece. And it is so sexy nowadays when men shave their heads. I was LOL.
I have been following your thread and you have really held yourself with dignity through this. I have a tough time with my emotions. You should be proud of yourself no matter what your H is doing. take care.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Whew, I've now read your sitch.... how difficult and painful for you. Big hugs.
Matrimonial breakdown laws are very different where I live. Unless the fault divorce will bring you loads more cash, a no-fault divorce would be easier on your soul.
In any event, at the moment, I think you would be wise to focus on protecting assets, dividing accounts, etc. That's what you're going to have to live on, not the satisfaction of proving your h's scandalous behaviour, if your marriage is not reconciled.
If it's possible where you live to have an interim separation agreement specifying who pays what, then perhaps you should get one in place asap. I don't practice family law, but these are some of the basics usually recommended to protect particularly the more vulnerable spouse. What are your rights to what we here would call the matrimonial home? You may want the interim separation agreement to specify that you have exclusive possession for the time being. That should be addressed in the interim separation agreement as well. And if you're concerned about him clearing the house out, get the locks changed asap, particularly since you are going away for the holidays.
With an ow like that in the picture, it's hard to know what she might coach your h to do. I love your idea about having a consult with her attorney since that will conflict him out of helping her or your h in this situation. Very strategic thinking on your part!
