BBJ..that's not a 2x4..I think that's being realistic..even MWD says that in her book..some are done from the get go and won't come back..some are too far gone. Some get it in their head and are hell bent on doing it..
at least he went to Retro...try 3 half assed MC sessions, then promises for more..
the difference is..I'm the better for it. and IMO that's what you should strive for too.
Bbj, my father in law brought his car here to help his son move out quickly, even though he knew about the possible OW, he knew that I tried and tried and tried..., he was well aware of what was going on. He set him up in a little appartment, arranged for the cleaning lady to do his laundry, had the kids sleeping in his house when it was cold, bought grocery and stuff... And this man had been my friend for years, I was his trustee, I, alone (without his son-I mean that), helped him get over the death of my MIL... For a while I wanted to scream at him "wake up!! you are not helping him/us this way", actually once I told him it was his and H's mother fault their son grew up irresponsible... Avoiding life, hurting his kids and me. He didnt like that...
Forget MiL, think that since Dan will definitely need help with the kids, it is better for them (kids) to have her helping out. Think of her as a nanny or something. I ended up thinking of my FiL's house as a B&B place... Take slow and calm steps, to the same direction : letting him go. You cant do it all at once. You will come across as if you are panicking. Slowly and carefully take necessary measures. He will get the message, no doubt. xxxx K
Mike, I know it is realistic that some are done from the get go, no 2 ways about it......I just didn't want to think my H was in that category. It has been easier thinking he was torn and still part of him wanted me. To think he has made a 100% decision hurts...but so it goes.
Esp. considering he went to retro, wrote me long pages of letters trying to explain his feelings, said he couldn't live with me BUT couldn't live without me, etc. If he did all that fully knowing he was gone but biding his time to make his arrangements, well that is terrible.
And YES, she uses guilt as a weapon. Her dad is a lovely man, very nice, loves me to death, says I am his granddaughter. Her mom is very nice but I think depressed, she is always complaining but in a gentle way. For example, we will go out to eat and she will say, "These potatoes are okay but they are better at Bob Evans"...."This place is nice but I like (insert place) better"...etc etc Kind of glass half empty
Oh well that will no longer be my issue will it...
You are right K I should be glad MIL and FIL can offer the kids some stability when they are with H but I don't like the way she manipulates and I don't want it to rub off on the kids......
I am not a popsicle although we have 1/2" of ice on everything outside, it is still sleeting and we had thunder and lightning! Plus 4" of snow expected after this thing switches from sleet to snow....winter wonderland huh
and IMO that's what you should strive for too.