It doesn't work for everyone, but do what is right for your kids. If it means less disruption let him spend time at your house. Just make sure he knows your rules and follows them.
BobbiJo - You asked me on my thread about parenting schedules. We looked at the samples HERE and decided upon the Plan C (2nd option) on page 12 for 6 to 12 year olds. It is also called a 5/5/2/2 plan.
It is good for me because I always have the kids on Mon/Tue night and get Wed/Thur nights for myself so that I can schedule my own personal activities. I also am fortunate that the girl scout and cub scount meetings fall on Mon and Tue so that I can be the one doing that with the kids. We alternate Fri/Sat/Sun nights. That way there is a cycle where I will have the kids for 5 straight nights, then she has them for 5 straight nights, then I have them for 2 nights and then she has them for 2 nights before the cycle repeats.
I seriously wonder whether Dan is going to be capable of having the kids by himself for 50% of the time.
I doubt it too. I am sure MIL will help out a lot and I already talked about ROFR when he goes on business trips. My concern is just that it will be 50/50 in name only with me picking up the slack. Mind you I won't turn down time with my kids but if I am jumping in to cover, taking them to karate on his nights b/c he can't get off work in time, etc. then I don't think it is right for child support to be based on 50-50. Thanks for the info kerry.
Child support payments will also be calculated based upon the differences in income. Even though I am 50/50 time wise, I am paying $600 a month to her in addition to paying for the 3 different music teachers, day care on Fridays ($350 a month), chinese classes and the charter grade school fees/donation.
OK. So. First mike, I think i got some splinters from that 2 x 4.
sorry BBJ..flashback for me..
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I don't know how to cut him off entirely at this point. He does not have a home!
I see him with no home as his problem..he is choosing this..so why "fix it" for him
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He said he prob. won't be able to have the kids at his house immediately b/c of the renovations he will need to do. (He bought a crappy house!)
another problem for him..he better call in the troops and work like mad.
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I am sure he thinks he can come to the house to do his 'time' with the kids. If he has to put them to bed at night and doesn't have anywhere to sleep, they will have to sleep at my house...
Thoughts on how to enforce the boundary when he doesn't have a place to take the kids. Thanks.
tell the kids..he can take them to his mom and dads for his visitation or he can just miss out on his visitation until he has a suitable place for them to visit.
and the MIL..I disagree on..MIL's like you have described..are controllers. They helped make these monsters we fell for..THAT MIL needs to have a boundary in place. You did not marry MIL..I really don't want to get started on Bitchhh MIL's..
let him go..drop da rope..
not a 2x4 for you BBJ..though I did just smack your MIL up side da head with one.
It is one thing to 'support' your troubled son. It is another to bankroll him leaving his wife/family/responsibilities, and to jump right in to take care of him every time he has the kids.
Oh, yeah, and to tell me the entire time that you want him to learn how it is really going to be, to make him face the consequences of his choices. Hmmm.........lie much?
I think she almost enjoys the fact that he is leaving me. More time for her, right? She thinks so I bet. And she gets to take care of him again, very Marie Barone right there. She has this need to take care of other people and she DEFINITELY expects something in return, like the power to control their lives/time/plans. Did I mention the 4 months of calendar pages I get every October-Jan with every family event already planned and dated by her assuming we WILL come to everything she lists?
We get out of school at 1:00 for the impending ice storm--yay!
Also I sent Dan a quick email that my parents will keep the kids overnight Sunday evening so we can meet and set up our January schedules--Dan mentioned doing it on Sunday so I took care of it. I printed out copies of the parenting plans (thanks Kerry!) and printed out blank calendars and the karate schedule. So we are off to the races on that one...
One last thing....I was going to go to the bank next week to take my half of the savings out and deposit it in a new account just for me. H said he would prefer I wait until he closes on his house. He applied on his own but of course they use the amount in our checking and savings to determine qualifications, even though only half of that should be 'his'....
It is one thing to 'support' your troubled son. It is another to bankroll him leaving his wife/family/responsibilities, and to jump right in to take care of him every time he has the kids.
Oh, yeah, and to tell me the entire time that you want him to learn how it is really going to be, to make him face the consequences of his choices. Hmmm.........lie much?
I think she almost enjoys the fact that he is leaving me. More time for her, right? She thinks so I bet. And she gets to take care of him again, very Marie Barone right there. She has this need to take care of other people and she DEFINITELY expects something in return, like the power to control their lives/time/plans. Did I mention the 4 months of calendar pages I get every October-Jan with every family event already planned and dated by her assuming we WILL come to everything she lists?
Yay, at least I am done worrying about that!
OK..serious flashbacks..stop or I'll puke right now..
please tell me she uses guilt as a weapon..please..
May I ask if you know anything at all about her childhood??
