One way....spending alot of time together at her place or yours means less time she gets to spend with wonderboy...which she didn't seem to mind...which is confusing. But allows you to show her the value of family time and you both spend more time with the kids.
Otherway...spending less time together allows her to feel the loss of the kids and your friendship....but also allows more time with wonderboy. But allows you to detox yourself so to speak from the situation. But less time with the kids when she has them.
Well, I think it is best to just stop thinking about what she is doing, thinking whatever. Go with your gut. Yes it will be a different Christmas but something everyone may sadly have to get used to. But I think this has to be what works for you right now.
I had planned on doing my own thing without having to mess with him and now he will be over on x-mas eve. He wants some family time is my thinking, ah well, it is my only gift to him. Peace and a night with the family. But you know we don't have all that other stuff you do, the slowing you down when you pick them up, the constant trying to get you to stay for dinner, the will you get me this or that at the store kind of garbage.
We each pick our own stands to take.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I'm pretty sure that I'll stick with having separate Christmas. I know the kids may want to spend it together, but I'm going to stick with it. I've thought about asking her why she thought we might spend it together, but I don't think I will. I don't think she'll give me an honest answer anyway.
I'm not dwelling on it. I was just surprised she was assuming we would spend it together. Other people saw it coming and I didn't.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I was reading over on Yenko's thread. I think our spouses are very similar. His is more vocal on her feelings for him. She does love him, even though she gave him the ILYNILWY thing. She loves him, just not the way a wife should love a husband.
Sounds just like my wife. I know she loves me, just not like a wife should. She knows we have a connection like no one else is going to give her. She's not going to TELL me, because she doesn't want me to get the wrong idea. I know her.
His wife told him to 'let her go'.
Mine has told me the same, and I believe that I'm just now doing that. Both of our wives also believe that we could never trust them again or truly forgive them for the affair they have had.
I think its THEM that cannot trust themselves again or forgive themselves.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Went to pick up D11 from the apartment yesterday. Inside, OM's coat was hanging on the back of a barstool next to the wife's. He must have left it there when he left in the morning. Best I can figure, she leaves in the morning before he does.
I think he does it on purpose, but screw him.
I thought about using it to make a bed for the dog outside on the patio, but decided against it. It was a trigger, but just a little different this time. I felt nearly....indifferent.
I'm letting her go, she will live her life and I'll live mine.
We can work on our R after she D's me. I plan on talking to her about getting on with our lives sometime in January, I think, and try to find out why she hasn't initiated anything yet. Confusion, financial reasons, wanting to wait out her lease, whatever.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
