Aud, I hear what you're saying. I don't think I'm the person who can give her the swift kick you're referring to. I think my role is to sift out the valid pieces of her complaints, and work on those aspects of myself that truly need some work.
I will also be mindful of boundaries, and will not agree to something that I consider unreasonable--changing jobs. I'm working to solve problems that are solvable, not meet every one of her demands and requests.
I've told her that if the sleeping elsewhere were to resume, than I consider that her decision to end the marriage.
I'm trying to frame our situation, as my W being honest about her feelings about the current and past, though doesn't articulate it skillfully.
Hopefully, the guard dog to her heart will take a rest someday, so we can see the vulnerable person inside. I think the same holds true for me too. We have two people struggling with trying to connect at a deeper level, but are fearful.
I think approaching her with greater compassion and kindness, would be approaching her differently. My pattern is to be distant, irritable, reactive, defensive, and moody.
She is trying to connect with me in her own way. She is communicating with me much more than she ever has. We're emailing each other on a daily basis, trying to work thru conflicts.
Compassion, kindness, and courage, are the skills I need to cultivate. I can then look back and accept whatever outcome there is for the M, because I'll know I put in my best effort.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
