Ahhhh, I got kin in that body!

[JCJ]

Hello m'lovely!

I am probably going to write a bit of a mammoth post so apologies in advance!!!

Basically, he told me that he was wondering what my motives were for coming to Portland, and what my "expectations" were, why I would take a 2 hour bus to have lunch with him.

I know it is not the ideal thing that you would have liked to hear from him but actually these are quite valid questions. You split up a year ago and told him that you wanted no contact and that you would contact when you were ready. Now, you are making that contact and he is wondering perhaps. It is not so much a negative or positive thing it is just a question, treat it as so.

He said his gut reaction was "..." he felt nervous that he needed to prepare for some kind of serious talk.

IMO this kind of backs it up. But you gave him an explanation...

I really was just thinking lunch, or something. I am going all over the place trying to see the people I care about while I am on the east coast, and it is not that big of a deal for me to take a bus to meet someone for lunch (or something like that?)... oh, like, some kind of big dramatic confrontation?

Which was a really good one and he then told you what he wanted.

"keep our relationship ....enjoyable"

So how can you make the relationship super-enjoyable so he will not be able to resist your charms? You can do this here.

He said he would be seeing me in 2 weeks (is it that soon?) in January, and that he would like to keep it at seeing each other in January.

not all is lost as rl friends have speculated. He did not turn round and say that he never wants to see you again. HE still said he wanted to meet in January. It is these darn expectations T!

I'm sorry if I made you feel nervousness, dread, confusion, trepidation, bewilderment!!

I wouldn't tell him how he feels, you are assuming and it may not be that at all!

I thought about asking him if he had anything else to say, but I just let him lead the conversation so if he did have something to say, he would have space to say it.

Excellent! In my opinion leave it now, it doesn't need mentioning again. But more importantly don't let it put you off again. Just learn that if you look like you are making extra special effort (i.e. more than friendship) it may not work at the moment.

"Taking a bus for 2 hours from boston to maine, to me, is not that different from taking the commuter rail from NJ to NYC"

You don't need to justify yourself, it makes you look more guilty!

I'm surprised he didn't just text me and tell me he was busy

I think that shows he cares regardless of whether it is friendship or bf, it is a good sign.

Can he smell me?

No, you just did something different and he sat up and noticed which imo is no bad thing.

Post-bomb this is the closest we came to some sort of confrontation.

But wasn't it so good the way you both handled it. He didn't dismiss you but showed you respect and care by wanting to find out more about why you want to see him and don't forget he hasn't dismissed you at this point either.

B is very ambivalent about me.

I'm sorry but I don't think that at all. If he was ambivalent he wouldn't have called he'd have just texted. I just think he doesn't quite know what to think. Show him with your actions. What do you want and act accordingly. Do you want friendship eventually leading to love? Do you want just love? Both of these at some point will involve some sort of rejection, it is how you deal with that rejection that makes you.

"you two are incompatible".

I'm sorry, but going on what you have said re your conversations you to are the least incompatible people. You have so much in common and relate to each other soooo well! It's obvious.

Part of me wants to say, "look, I am amazing. I am beautiful, smart, talented, extremely loving, and hot as hell. I

You don't need to tell him, show him. You won't have to try very hard - you are!

Another part of me says... "self... take a deep breath... we are experimenting and monitoring results... you tried something really different, and it didn't work, and that's OK. Isn't part of DB that you can screw up sometimes, and that's all right?"

Yup, and I don't think you screwed up. I think it opened up honesty and dialogue between you. He felt safe enough to ask you about this. Don't you read lots of stories on here where the WAS does not feel safe enough to be so frank/ honest.

who would tell a "friend" what he told me last night, "I wanted to know your expectations for lunch, I want to keep our relationship 'enjoyable' " ?

Ok, you may not say that to a friend but don't forget, you guys have a history. You are establishing friendship at the moment. I personally would just see how it goes in Jan and work out your next moves after then. No future thinking at this point other than to guide your actions at the next meeting.

(((T)))