kat, I come across people, nearly on a daily basis, that mostly encourage me to keep on doing what I'm doing. Others encourage moving on. My marriage MAY, and thats a big MAY, have a chance, but I'm not going to hold my breath. I think I've been holding onto something that just isn't there anymore. On both sides.
I actually am doing both, or trying to. I'm DBing for me and the kids, and moving on mentally in my mind. Going forward without my H. I can't really 100% move on completely until after D though, but I think I'm 99% there. But I don't even think about H as an option: I mean if I did I probably wouldn't be interested really. You should probably stop hoping or spending too much time analyzing your W or whatever. She will probably be interested in reconciling with you at some point I think, but you can't live life like that waiting for someone to wake up that may never. It's like I would love to win the lottery one day, but I can't base a good chunk of my life on that... Karen
I'm dropping my hope for her at this point. I'm feeling hoped out.
Funny, but the hard part for me is to stop the analyzing. Trying to get to the point of not caring what she says, does or thinks. I'm getting there, though, and moreso every day.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Your thinking she may want to do the same as we did at Thanksgiving?
My IM didn't really offer that as a choice, but if she does try to make it as a 'family' Christmas, I'll let her know that I don't think its a good idea and stick with giving her the choice of the two.
Christmas Eve or Christmas day.
Sounds like a plan for now.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Sounds like a plan to me. We're doing the same. H is taking the kids Christmas Eve and I get Christmas Day. He's then asked to have the kids from the 27-29th. Our wedding anniversary and his birthday are on the 30th and I'm sure he wants to spend that with OW!!! Karen
I meant that she was probably expecting the joint and probably will try and ask for it for this as well. The split lets her experience the loss of the kids for one or the other day. Thats good. The co-family time hasn't had the desired affect on her so the reverse is in order...I think. Ying and Yang so to speak.
As for the calls from the kids. If she doesn't remind them to call then you don't either. If kid A leaves a book a school then don't volunteer to pick it up....let her ask you or pick it up herself....etc etc!!!
I think I reminded D7 just once. I have never reminded D11. And don't forget, I get the kids for one week, then we switch off and she gets the kids for one week. We switch off on Sundays. On the week I have the girls, S14 will come with me on Wed and stay until Friday morning. Then he gets picked by his dad and goes for the weekend. The means that she will have Wed-Sunday morning with no kids. Those are the times that OM comes around and stays, I believe.
I have pretty much cut myself off from her completely. Besides the convo's concerning the kids.
I went to pick up the kids today. She tells me the kids ate already. She was off today. S14 is getting his things ready. I start to ask the girls to gather their stuff. She didn't get pissy as usual because I guess the girls told her that I wanted to go pick our tree tonight. While she was helping D7 put on her coat in the living room, she looks up at me and asks,
"I thought we were spending Christmas together?"
I stood there looking at her for a minute, probably with a confused look.
"I don't remember talking about it" I told her. She thinks for a second. "Well, we can do it that way. If you want, you can have them Christmas Eve and I'll get them on Christmas day. Whichever."
She looked surprised at my reaction and almost....embarrassed. I wasn't sure.
I didn't really say anything. I gathered the kids, she is telling them goodbye, and while I'm walking out the door and she is telling D7 goodbye and to go pick a good tree, she asks me to call her so that we can talk about it. I just gave a quick nod while walking away and talking to D7. No goodbye to her.
We got a pretty nice tree for $25. A Frasier fir about 6 1/2 feet tall. Third tree we looked at. Got it set up and we'll decorate it tomorrow night.
I doubt I'll call her tonight. Maybe I'll just show myself available on IM.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Hey bud. I've been laying low - following but laying low.
I agree with the separate days - am doing same myself. W still wants to havew Christmas morn as a family. Hmmm. Don't think so - not with what is waiting 4 me at lawyers office.
Tree sounds nice! Take care. Will try to be around more.
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
Hey dude. Keep laying low. Things are getting more and more complicated for you.
Just worry about yourself. I'm doing the same as you. Following, but laying low.
As much as I WANT to have the holiday together, I know it's best for me NOT to. Going to be hard as hell, but I'll get through it. Like Beej told me today, I can always be friends with her AFTER the divorce if I still want to.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Like Beej told me today, I can always be friends with her AFTER the divorce if I still want to.
Would you want to though? I know you have a different sitch than mine, but I just imagine the same polite I've been being and trying to just avoid him mostly. If they continue to act the same way, what kind of friends are they? Would you pick a friend like that? Sorry I'm in that kind of mood again!!! Karen
Karen