Well here is what has been going on all week.. After I sent that email on Sunday I actually felt really good.. I felt strong and a sense of relief.. I just wish I could have bottled that feeling up and held on to it longer because today it is gone.
My H and I had exchanged several emails. Just general info. I live about 1.5 hrs from my family his mom lives 5 min minutes from my mom, so every year we travel for the holidays. As we were discussing arrangements for Christmas Eve/Day he stated he would like us all to get together as a "group" to exchange gifts with the kids (me, him, and our children) Had this exchange been happening in our home I guess I would feel more comfortable but it would be at his moms's and while I love his mom and have nothing against her I do not feel comfortable given the situation. I think I am afraid of breaking down and getting too emotional and I do not want to ruin it for the kids. Also the term "group" kind of bothered me as opposed to "family"..therefore I kindly declined the offer and said I appreciated the invite but I didn't think it was a good idea.
I think he got really flustered b/c at first he said he needed time to think about what I was saying internally..he has been saying this a lot lately..
he also said he would watch the kids this weekend if I wanted to go away. Stating no hidden agenda. Now I have plans and I didn't feel like going anyway anywhere b/c I have shopping to do, so I said thank you but no need for you to come here, I will be home with kids this weekend. I have some plans already but agian thanks. To which he replied, I can't believe you aren't going to go away...oh well I tried. I said well again, I said thank you, but by the sounds of it you seem very disappointed and it would lead me to believe there is indeed a hidden agenda. I said if you are looking to get more of your stuff just tell me, you don't have to get me out of the house to do it I would be happy to help you move out.
He is supposed to be picking things up today. But he swears he was just being nice abt the weekend. I got a bunch of his stuff together and I went to find his wedding ring to give to him and it was gone. Apparently he already took it. I had it with my jewlery in a box. So he would have had to go looking for it. I called and asked if he did take it..wanting to make sure I wasn't losing my mind and misplaced it. And he said he did take it. This kind of bothered me only because he never seemed to care about wearing it. But now all of a sudden he felt the need to search through my stuff to find it.
Anyway, we sent several emails back and forth yesterday about the holdiays and visiting the kids, also about him getting his stuff. When I offered to help he flat out got pissed and said to not touch his stuff and leave it alone. I tried to say I was being very nice and in no way was trying to disrespect him or his things I was just offering to help put some things together for him if he liked and he called and snapped and told me not to touch anything.
So today I am in a more emotional mood. I realized that we can't email because he takes things wrong. We can't text...because the words are only viewed the way each of us wants to take them and we certainly can not talk to each other right now.. so how do we communicate????
I have tried so hard all week to be nothing but civil and kind and yet he still thinks I am being mean and a smart. It is so frustrating because I am not being that way at all. So today I am really frustrated. I don't know how to communicate with him at all.
Maybe its just because tomorrow will be our 10 year anniversary and I really didn't want to be in this place and it is still hard to accept, yet I am learning to accept.
thanks for being here for me..
Sandi..I will get you that info. Amy...I realized after the fact with FB was and yes I do have a facebook account.
