Don't know what to do- Please help

[limbo]

I wonder when these internal struggle we have will ever end?
I go around and around in my head everything that has happened, especially the most recent events, and wonder what really happened, what does it truly mean?!
Is my H still trying to make his mind up on some level..he is constantly giving me reassurance that he loves me and only wants me. But is it really true this time? Why can't he let her go? why has she been in our lives for as long as she has?
Why is it still the last thing on my mind when I go to bed at night, and still pretty much there when I get up?
I do love my H, but I just feel so low for so much of the time, and I worry that I wount come back from this one.
I have changed, and people around me have noticed that, I get angry, and have no patience, and in trying not to be like that I find myself pulling in, and not interacting like I used to.
I want to be in a better place, and I want to truly enjoy life again, without worries, without pain, and I wonder when will I be able to start to do that again.

I just need to get this off my chest, and I wanted to maybe get some feed back, I know its a ramble and I hope you can make some sense of it!