aliens undercover: married to the pod

[hoosiermama]

There was a line in his email to me about the note not being intended to be offensive, just blunt. Here's my reply:

"I disagree with just about everything that you have said here. If this has been a problem for several years, you have chosen a very inopportune time to address it punitively. The message that it is sending D12 is not that there are consequences for "chronically not being on time," but that she faces consequences for issues beyond her control, and that it's a far more serious offense to be 2 minutes late than to bully and exclude other students, to disrupt class repeatedly, or to cheat on tests.

I was not offended by your email. However, I do find it offensive that you ignored a previous email requesting assistance from me for almost 3 weeks, then replied to it with this complaint. I find it offensive that you have not even acknowledged--let alone implemented--a strategy I suggested to help D12 be more organized. I find it offensive that you are aware that she has an identified LD which impacts her organization skills, and you have chosen to punish her rather than helping her in that area. I find it offensive that you are aware that H drives D12 in from across town and you punish her for being tardy on those mornings when she has no control over that issue--and I find it even more offensive that you have not addressed this with H but have been more than "blunt" with D12 and with me. I find it offensive that when you called me at work to make me aware of your "strategy" earlier this year, you didn't have the courtesy to ask if I was free to talk with you at that moment; in fact it was a highly inconvenient moment for me but you asked in a condescending way if I had heard you. I find it offensive that the first time D12 passed the ISTEP, your emphasis was on her tardy and you ignored this success for which she worked very hard all summer. I am offended that you trivialize the challenges that D12 and I are facing as "excuses." I find all of these things very disrespectful. I know there are dysfunctional patterns of interaction left over from my time as a staff person; however, those patterns are even more inappropriate now."

[hoosiermama]

Hey Hoos,

I feel the same way as you do. I'm tired of being disrespected too. BTW, if you see my doggie. Please send him home. I lost him last night and I'm lonely. He is like my child.

poet

I'm so sorry! I hope he finds his way home!

[BeingMe]

I can almost hear the angels singing, Hmama! Hallelujah!

[smartcookie]

Don't mess with us mother bears !!!

Good for you. I'll bet it made D feel so good knowing that you have her back.

Hugs

[Dudess]

Tell it sister!

[hoosiermama]

I had a couple of single-mom reality checks yesterday.

This is a busy week; D12 sings with a large (but really wonderful) children's choir, and there are several obligations this week--beginning at 4:30. Fortunately we have a carpool, and I was scheduled to drive yesterday because everyone else had family stuff. It was going to be a tight schedule since I can't leave work until 3:45. D was going to get her usual ride home, change clothes, I'd pick her up, pick up the other 3, then dash up to the north side of town--hopefully only making it a few minutes late. So I get a call at 7:55 am that her ride home from school fell thru--not an emergency, but a planned social event. Wow. So scramble for a new ride--hopefully by one of the moms of kids I'm driving later in the day. Nope, only had time to reach 2 before I got to work; I had an orthodontist appt, the other had another obligation. So--D12 goes to aftercare at school. I arrive to pick her up at 4--all the doors to school are locked. No one in the office to answer the entry bell. The other moms of kids I'm driving are there, frantic. We run to all the doors, pounding. Twenty minutes later someone lets us in. D12 is upset. The other girls are upset because they're going to be late--and even more upset when we go to our house for D12 to change into her choir uniform. (If I'd known even a little in advance, we'd have brought it to school to change.) So we get there half an hour late. They miss their photos--they're mad. I wait thru the dress rehearsal (of a program I won't be able to attend because I literally can't afford a ticket). Near the end, another school mom pops in to pickup her carpool kids. Tells me about the pizza special at the new pizza place, general flight of ideas, more manic chatter. How are things going? Lousy, I said. Didn't elaborate. Well, if you ever need anything....How about a ride home tomorrow for D12? Oops, I'm sorry--my car is full. But if I can ever do anything to help....

So then we drive home, 5 minutes later H arrives to pick up D for the night. I get to do the frantic running around, you see, he gets to have the fun.

I never wanted to be a single mom, and I'm not liking it much. I have no support system here; no sisters, aunts, parents, cousins. Ask for help from friends--and there is yesterday's scenario:very willing, rarely able, other things are usually a priority (like social events they could have told me about in advance but forgot). But they feel good because they've offered to help me out.

[Purple]

Hugs Hooz....it sucks when you bust your ar5e and still can't pull something out of it (your bum) due to other people not considering your sitch.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

There was a line in his email to me about the note not being intended to be offensive, just blunt. Here's my reply:

"I disagree with just about everything that you have said here. If this has been a problem for several years, you have chosen a very inopportune time to address it punitively. The message that it is sending D12 is not that there are consequences for "chronically not being on time," but that she faces consequences for issues beyond her control, and that it's a far more serious offense to be 2 minutes late than to bully and exclude other students, to disrupt class repeatedly, or to cheat on tests.

I was not offended by your email. However, I do find it offensive that you ignored a previous email requesting assistance from me for almost 3 weeks, then replied to it with this complaint. I find it offensive that you have not even acknowledged--let alone implemented--a strategy I suggested to help D12 be more organized. I find it offensive that you are aware that she has an identified LD which impacts her organization skills, and you have chosen to punish her rather than helping her in that area. I find it offensive that you are aware that H drives D12 in from across town and you punish her for being tardy on those mornings when she has no control over that issue--and I find it even more offensive that you have not addressed this with H but have been more than "blunt" with D12 and with me. I find it offensive that when you called me at work to make me aware of your "strategy" earlier this year, you didn't have the courtesy to ask if I was free to talk with you at that moment; in fact it was a highly inconvenient moment for me but you asked in a condescending way if I had heard you. I find it offensive that the first time D12 passed the ISTEP, your emphasis was on her tardy and you ignored this success for which she worked very hard all summer. I am offended that you trivialize the challenges that D12 and I are facing as "excuses." I find all of these things very disrespectful. I know there are dysfunctional patterns of interaction left over from my time as a staff person; however, those patterns are even more inappropriate now."

YEAH BABY!!!! Who IS this woman???!!

Look out, world -- mama bear's protecting her cub!

Puppy

[hoosiermama]

Hugs Hooz....it sucks when you bust your ar5e and still can't pull something out of it (your bum) due to other people not considering your sitch.

Exactly!!

[hoosiermama]

Thanks, Pup. I'm just over this whole situation, I'm tired of feeling powerless and dissed. No reply so far. I'm sure the staff is all discussing my note and calling me names. Wish I could be there!