It's Complicated!

[Upside]

Hi glam-
I am sorry that your H does this to you. I think you handled things so well. Have you ever discussed financial issues in C? It is a very precarious position that your H puts you in since if you tell him no then he may decide not to help you financially in the future.

After this situation settles, maybe you and your H should have a discussion about finances and try to come to an agreement. Is there a way to get him to acknowledge that if you were D, he would have to pay court ordered child support? Could you come to some kind of agreement that while you are living apart and now since your H has an income, his money is his and yours is yours BUT he needs to provide a monthly amount to help provide for his children? I would think the C be able to help in this situation.

Try not to get to stressed during the holidays and enjoy your kids as much as you can. I miss my kids being little especially this time of year. They grow up way too fast.

[Truelove]

Hi glamgirl,
Oh yes, the finances are always causing problems!!! I know how you feel. (((HUGS)))

[happynow]

Hi Glam,

Sounds like you handled things well. I hated talking about money issues with my H after he wanted a D, it was terrible!

You are doing fine, just keep hanging in there!

(((HUGS)))

[SirPrizeMe]

GG, finances seems like a thing to talk about in a safe place - like counseling maybe. I'm with you, the finances wouldn't be messy if he lived in the same house with you.

On the other hand I can see his point. "my money is my money" is a stance of independence. He is still struggling with how to balance the commitments he made to you and the family, versus his internal selfish desire to be completely independent.

Seems like there is a battle inside him going on - the selfish versus the giving. The bachelor versus the husband. And it seems like the husband is mostly winning, but the battle still rages.

PH - about getting the motivation to bake or cook - the key thing for me is to have someone to share it with. even if I cook or bake alone (yes, I bake) i need to have someone to share it with. you know last christmas my sister sent me a batch of cookies, across the country. it was so nice to receive. maybe there is someone you can think of who would smile if they received some of your christmas baking. a neighbor? a friend? someone older in a residence home nearby? a school? even a shop you frequent?

Do it for someone else, do it to share the good will of Christmas with another soul. it feels good!

[a new 2moro]

he says his money is his money.

WHY isnt HIS money paying HIS rent??????

[glamgirl]

Wow what a week. S7 finally will have school today and D4 we have been taking to daycare all week. Another snow storm expected on Sunday. Yeah I am on vacation.

The house is a mess. I haven't worked out at the gym in 2 weeks. First was sick, then the snow and on top of that lack of motivation, but today I woke up at 3am feeling refreshed.

I am all dressed ready to go,just waiting for the gym to open. I must get back on track. Today my plans are cleaning the house. My sis arrives on Mon.

After issues with h on Mon, he came over on Wed to watch the kids. I stayed late at work. When I stay late, h most of the time says when are you coming home. You have been there all day. It really is all the same things that I complain about him, but I haven't complained about his work to him since he started. I have been very supportive.

H came and picked me up from work and then I picked up a few groceries. Soon after that h left. When he left on Wed night I said I had everything covered for Thur and that if he couldn't make it on Thur I would understand. He said NO I will be there.

I usually call h after I drop D4 off at daycare every morning. Well I am swamped at work, finishing things up before vacation, so I didn't call h Thur morning. Well soon after I got into work h calls. Now this was a pleasant suprise, since h has rarely called unless he is on his way or out traveling. H doesn't answer when I call in the morning, I just leave a nice v-mail.

He just wanted to know what was going on and that he wouldn't be at the house until around 5pm. He said he was just letting me know so he doesn't get his A** chewed. I guess meaning from me. I see how he views me. We agreed that h would pick up D4, but as it got late in the day, I figured h was running late, so I just grabbed her.

On my way home from daycare, h called and thanked me for getting her. He said I am on my way to the house. H was in a good mood. I fixed a light dinner. H asked me to rest on the couch with him.

He made some comments about how uptight I get about things and that I should just let things go. He mentioned that I agravate him. That didn't make me feel so good, but I just let it go. I guess he thinks what he possbily does he couldn't ever agravate me. Is there a pill he could take for this?

Well h was being very affectionate and since the kids were busy playing he suggested we have quickie upstairs. I said h that works for me. It seemed like such a long time ago that I had sex, that I almost forgot what to do, but I remembered very quickly.

When h left he said see you tomorrow. We have D4's Christmas program at school. He also said he would be over on Saturday and then Sunday he said let's have breakfast without the kids and we have a Christmas party to go in the afternoon. I am getting my hair done on Sunday, so h is taking me to the appointment since heavy snow is expected.

It was weird past thoughts were popping in my head and I was thinking it was just a mere year ago that I would be driving to my work crying about my situation and then drying my eyes and hoping nobody noticed while I was at work. I would have to put on that happy face before I walked through those work doors. Now those days are few. That is a good thing and a good sign.

Things do get better regardless of the outcome. Now if I can figure out how not to agravate my h.

[glamgirl]

In all fairness to h, in his mind he had given me some money to set aside in savings, which I did, but I wasn't expecting him to ask for that back to pay rent, since that money was set aside for other things and he knew that. We had discussed what it was set aside for and it really caught me off guard when he wanted it.

I would have managed our money a little better if I knew that he was going to request that back. Oh well, it's done. He said on Mon he would give it back so I could put it back in savings.

I have to just try to let the finances go. He is not ready yet to think us not him expecially with the my money comment. Oh really and I guess this is my house.

[MidwesternGirl]

Hi GG!

I think those times of aggravation can be worked out in some of your C sessions.

Overall, it does sound very good.

Thank goodness there is no ow in your situation as I view that as a huge obstacle in so many situations. I know, it it is not that, it can be something else.

[glamgirl]

Comfort in the Storm Cont.

I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature I could think of: for to have been thought about, born in god's thought and then made by God, is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking.

We experience a profound peace when we know and celebrate who we are in God's love and by loving ourselves.

Is it possible that we've made life too complicated. Particularly when it comes to our relationships?

What is it that we all truly want - and deep down most need? Isn't it simply to love and to be loved?

And mightn't the giving and receiving of love be found in a quiet walk in the woods with your family? An agenda-free afternoon of talking - not talking - with your beloved?

Less volume and kinder words? More listening? A hand written note? A hug or touch that takes just a second or two longer? A monday night game of games, pizza and no tv?

Peace might be closer and simpler than we know.

[MidwesternGirl]

Great post!